


The Long Road Home

by mtac_archivist



Category: NCIS
Genre: Drama, Gen, Not Episode Related, Not a Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-09
Updated: 2010-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 06:45:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13312662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtac_archivist/pseuds/mtac_archivist
Summary: Gibbs' latest obsession with a case results in an incident that changes Tony's life forever.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Jessi, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [ MTAC](https://fanlore.org/wiki/MTAC), an archive of NCIS fanfiction which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after August 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator (and this work is still attached to the archivist account), please contact me using the e-mail address on [ the MTAC collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/mtac/profile)

Title: The Long Road Home  
Author: Patricia  
Character: Tony DiNozzo, Leroy Jethro Gibbs  
Warnings: angst, drama, suicidal thoughts  
Spoilers: Takes place in season 5  
Summary: Gibbs’ latest obsession with a case results in an incident that changes Tony’s life forever. 

Part 1

 

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs hated waiting. He was a man of action who was unaccustomed to the feeling of helplessness that was now consuming him. The former Marine glanced at the clock on the wall, calculating that it had been just under two hours since he had arrived at Bethesda Naval Hospital, and he had yet to receive any news on the condition of his senior field agent.

“Damn it!” he growled, slinging the cup of cold coffee against the wall.

Ignoring the incredulous stares of the strangers into the waiting room, the team leader stormed out into the hallway and in three strides, found himself standing in front of the nurse’s station.

He peered at the name tag of the nurse sitting at the desk. “Excuse me, Ms. Hutson.”

The young nurse looked up from her computer. “Can I help you?”

Gibbs nodded. “I hope so,” he replied. “One of my agents was brought in a little while ago and taken into surgery; I was wondering if there was any word on how he was doing.”

“What’s his name?”

He took a deep breath and blew it out. Why was it so hard to say his name? Was it because he would have to accept the harsh reality of the current situation? Would he have to admit that he was the reason that Tony was now fighting for his life?

“Sir?” Nurse Hutson called out to him, forcing him back to the present as he pushed his doubt and guilt to the far recesses of his mind. “His name?” she asked again.

“Anthony DiNozzo.”

“Could you spell that last name?”

The team leader permitted a small grin to escape from his lips. “Big D, little I, big N, little ‘ozzo’.”

“Two z’s?”

“Yeah.”

Gibbs nervously watched as she typed the information into the computer. It was just a few seconds before the nurse looked up and asked, “Are you his next of kin?”

“Yeah. Leroy Jethro Gibbs. It should be listed on his records from a couple years ago,” Gibbs informed her. 

He watched as she studied her monitor. “He was brought in with multiple gunshot wounds, right?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s still in surgery.”

“Any idea how much longer he’ll be?” he wanted to know.

She shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. I’m sure that the doctor will come and talk to you as soon as Agent DiNozzo is in recovery.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled as he turned to walk away.

Electing not to return to the crowded waiting room, Gibbs walked to the end of the corridor and stared out the window. He was still having a difficult time believing the events of the day. Once again, he had allowed his obsession with a case to cloud his judgment and now, Tony was suffering the consequences.

 

***flashback***

There was too much blood. That was the first thought that crossed Jethro Gibbs’ mind as he fell to his knees beside the body of his senior field agent. In one fluid movement, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911. He handed the phone to the young teenage girl that he and Tony had just rescued, instructing her to give the operator the pertinent information.

He turned his attention back to Tony. Gibbs had seen DiNozzo take a bullet in his shoulder and in the side, but the younger man still managed to fire his own weapon, killing one of the kidnappers that they had been pursuing. As Gibbs had raised his gun to fire at the other perpetrator, Tony had inadvertently stumbled in the former Marine’s line of fire as he started to empty his chamber. He watched in horror as DiNozzo collapsed to the ground in a lifeless heap beside the body of the second kidnapper.

Gibbs had quickly secured the area and made certain that the girl was safe, but now his priority, his only priority, was Tony. Knowing that DiNozzo had taken two bullets in his back, the older man was careful not to move Tony unnecessarily. He took off his jacket and pressed it against the wound in the younger man’s shoulder to help control the bleeding. Why hadn’t he taken the time to insist they put on their bullet proof vests? 

“It’s all right, Tony,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.”

“Boss?” Tony managed to gasp.

“Don’t talk, Tony,” Gibbs instructed.

DiNozzo weakly smiled. “That’s …im…possible, Boss.”

“DiNozzo…” Gibbs attempted to sound menacing, but he was forced to choke back a sob as Tony groaned in pain. “Just rest, Tony,” he finally said.

Tony’s breathing was becoming labored, but that didn’t stop him from asking about the welfare of the girl. “Sar…ah, okay?”

“She’s fine,” the team leader assured him.

“I screwed…up, Boss.”

“No, you didn’t Tony. You did good.” Gibbs felt Tony’s blood seep between his fingers; he forced himself to press a little harder on the wound causing the agent to cry out.

“Sorry, DiNozzo. I know it hurts like hell, but I’ve got to slow down the bleeding,” he hurriedly explained.

“It’s…okay, B…Boss.”

“Just take it easy. Let me do all the work.”

“Been waiting a long…time for…you…to…say that.”

Gibbs couldn’t help but be amused by Tony’s attempt to alleviate the seriousness of the situation. “DiNozzo, if I wasn’t trying to keep you from bleeding to death, I’d head slap you.”

“Sorry, Boss.”

“Don’t worry; I’ll put it on your tab.”

“Hope…you get …the chance…to collect.”

“I intend to,” Gibbs vowed.

When Tony closed his eyes, Gibbs felt the knot that had formed in the pit of his stomach tighten. Despite the previous orders of not talking that he had issued to DiNozzo, he needed to hear his senior agent’s voice. Tony’s constant rambling was a sure sign that he was still fighting.

“Tony? I need you stay with me,” the ex-Marine insisted.

“Trying…Boss,” Tony muttered.

“I know.”

“Boss?”

“Yeah?”

He met Tony’s pain filled eyes with his own concerned gaze. “What is it, Tony?” he asked again.

Tony licked his parched lips. “I can’t feel…my legs, Gibbs. I can’t…”

The former Marine didn’t know what to say. His guilt prevented him from admitting to Tony that he was responsible for shooting him in the back. “Just relax, Tony. The ambulance is on its way.”

“Why…can’t I feel…them?”

“Tony, I…”

He never got the opportunity to tell DiNozzo the truth. He could hear the sirens blaring as the ambulance approached. “The cavalry’s here, DiNozzo.” 

Gibbs helplessly watched as Tony closed his eyes, losing the battle to stay conscious. Maybe he shouldn’t have insisted that DiNozzo stay awake; then he wouldn’t have heard the pain and desperation in his senior field agent’s voice when he asked why he couldn’t feel his legs. The team leader silently chastised himself for not being able to supply Tony with an honest answer. “You’re a damn coward, Jethro,” he mumbled under his breath.

He didn’t look up as the ambulance came to a screeching halt, his eyes remained fixed on DiNozzo’s still form. Within just a few seconds, the paramedics were motioning him to step aside so they could devote their full concentration on Tony. Gibbs stood up and watched as the two men assessed the injured man. He could tell by the solemn expression on the paramedics faces that Tony was not doing well. 

“We’re going to wrap and run,” the EMT informed him. “We can fit the girl in front, but I’m afraid that we’re going to need all the room we can get in the back.”

Gibbs nodded his understanding as he watched the paramedics secure Tony on a backboard and then lifted him onto the gurney. He knew that he couldn’t leave until the rest of his team was at the crime scene. The team leader helped the girl into the front of the ambulance as Tony was loaded into the rear. “Tell the doctor to do whatever they have to do to save his life,” he ordered the paramedic.

“Don’t worry; he’ll be in good hands.”

He watched the ambulance until he could no longer see it. Standing alone in the road, he looked at the bodies of the dead kidnappers, realizing that his obsession with finding these men and their hostage was not only going to cost him another piece of his sanity, it was going to cost him his son.

***end flashback***

 

“Jethro?”

The team leader glanced over his shoulder to discover his long time friend and colleague, Dr. Donald Mallard standing behind him, concern evident in the ME’s eyes. Gibbs acknowledged Ducky with a curt nod and turned back to gaze out the window once again.

“Has there been any word?” Ducky softly inquired.

Gibbs shook his head. “No. Not yet.”

“How long has he been in surgery?”

“Close to two hours,” he answered.

“I’m sure that we’ll know something soon, Jethro,” Ducky assured him. “In the meantime, I thought you could use this.”

A cup of steaming coffee appeared in front of him, courtesy of the kind hearted doctor. Gibbs took the cup and mumbled an almost inaudible, “Thanks, Duck.”

“You’re quite welcome. I know how dreadful the coffee in these hospital waiting rooms can be and I figured that you would need a fresh cup by now. I remember when Tony was in the hospital recovering from the plague, you had to bring your own brew from home and fix it in his room.”

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. “Yeah, I remember.” 

“Can I get you anything else?”

“A doctor who can tell me how DiNozzo’s doing,” the ex-Marine growled.

“Unfortunately, I can’t just snap my fingers and make a doctor appear. Of course, there was that time in London when…”

“He couldn’t feel his legs, Duck!” Gibbs angrily exclaimed, not caring that he interrupted another one of the ME’s trips down memory lane.

“There could be several explanations for the loss of sensation in his legs,” Ducky tried to rationalize. 

“No, there’s not,” Gibbs argued. “There’s only one explanation that matters!”

“And that is?” 

“The fact that I shot Tony in the back and now he can’t feel his legs.”

Gibbs could sense Ducky’s surprise. He had admitted his guilt to no one until a few seconds ago and now he had no choice but to accept that he had all but destroyed Tony’s life.

“What do you mean you shot him?” Ducky pressed.

“Just what I said, Duck.”

“Do you care to elaborate?”

He didn’t particularly want to relive those terrifying moments, but Gibbs knew that he was going to have to, and in all probability, more than once. There would be inquiries, reports, and interviews where he was going to have to explain over and over why Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was...

Gibbs silently chastised himself. Tony wasn’t dead; not yet. But when DiNozzo realized that he couldn’t walk, what then? 

The team leader felt Ducky give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Jethro, tell me what happened,” the ME urged.

“We got a response to the BOLO we put out on the kidnappers and Tony and I responded. I cut them off and we got out of the car and they opened fire on us.. Tony got hit a couple of times, but he managed to take out one of the perps. I was shooting at the other one and I didn’t see DiNozzo, somehow he managed to stepped right in front me as I fired and…” Gibbs blew out a frustrated breath. “I thought he was down when I started to fire. I didn’t see him.”

“Then it was an accident,” Ducky concluded.

“Do you think that DiNozzo will see it as an accident?”

“Yes, I do. I have found Tony to have a very forgiving spirit. If he didn’t, then he would have never made it past his wretched childhood.”

“This is different, Duck. It’s not about his father leaving him in a hotel in a Hawaii; it’s about me ruining his life. My obsession and recklessness is going to change his life forever. Tony will never survive if he has to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.”

“Are you listening to yourself, Jethro? You’ve condemned Tony to a wheelchair and he’s not even out of surgery yet. As Abby would say, we must have positive thoughts.”

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose. “Positive thoughts? You weren’t there, Duck. You didn’t see his eyes when he asked me why he couldn’t feel his legs. He didn’t realize that I had even shot him.”

“Jethro, it was an accident,” Ducky reminded him once again.

The team leader shook his head. “You weren’t there,” he whispered. “You weren’t there.”

“Excuse me, Agent Gibbs.”

Turning around, he saw the nurse that he had spoken with earlier standing behind him, concern etched on her youthful features. “Nurse Hutson, has there been any word?”

“Agent DiNozzo is still in surgery, but the doctor would like to speak to you on the phone,” she informed him. “He wants to update you and he needs to make you aware of a few things.”

He felt sick. Gibbs had a feeling that he knew what the doctor was going to tell him and he wasn’t sure that he was ready to hear the official word. He swallowed back the bile and followed the Ms. Hutson back down the hallway to the nurse’s station. Picking up the receiver, he took a deep breath, mentally preparing for the worst.

Clearing his throat, he unwillingly answered the phone. “Agent Gibbs…”


	2. The Long Road Home

“Agent Gibbs, my name is Dr. Winesett. I’m the chief of trauma and I’m overseeing Agent DiNozzo’s surgery. You are listed as his next of kin, so I thought I would call you and let you know how things are progressing.”

Gibbs took a deep breath and then blew it out in an effort to tamp down the nausea that was plaguing him. The doctor had said that he was going to tell him how things were progressing; that meant that Tony was still alive and still fighting. “I’d appreciate that,” the team leader replied, his voice radiating more confidence than he felt. 

“Agent DiNozzo as you know was brought in with multiple gun shot wounds; one to his shoulder, a graze on his side, and he took two bullets in his back.”

He closed his eyes struggling to block the image of the bleeding man out of his mind. It was no use. Gibbs knew that he would never be able to forget the look in Tony’s pain filled eyes. “I’m aware of that,” he said.

“Well, the graze to his side was deep,” Dr. Winesett continued. “Despite the number of stitches that it required, the damage was minimal. He’ll be uncomfortable for a while, but that is the least of our concerns.”

“Meaning what?” 

“The bullet in his shoulder nicked an artery and in turn, he lost a lot of blood. One of our vascular surgeons has been able to remove the bullet and repair the artery, but the bullet was deep and the damage to his muscles was extensive. It will take some intensive physical therapy, but he should regain full function of that shoulder and arm.”

Gibbs licked his parched lips. “He told me that he couldn’t feel his legs. The uh…bullets that he took in the back, did they…” The team leader couldn’t bear to even utter the words. He was thankful that Dr. Winesett seemed to be able to understand his question.

“Right now, all I can tell you is that the two bullets that entered his back have done a great deal of damage not only to his spinal cord, but to some of his internal organs as well. We’re just now getting to the point where we can concentrate on his other injuries; our first priority was his shoulder because of the danger of him bleeding out. 

“His vitals are weak and erratic. I’m not sure how much longer I can risk keeping him in surgery. We may have to give his body a little time to recover before we can even begin to assess the damage to his spine.”

That was not the answer that Gibbs wanted to hear. He wanted to know now, right this moment, if Tony was going to be able to walk again and Dr. Winesett was not supplying him with the answers that he needed to hear. Gibbs wanted the doctor to tell him that everything was fine and that DiNozzo’s spinal cord wasn’t damaged beyond repair and that his senior field agent was going to walk out of the hospital on his own free will.

“There’s nothing else you can tell me right now?” Gibbs pressed.

“No, I’m sorry,” Winesett apologized. “When Agent DiNozzo is in recovery, I’ll come and find you. Hopefully, I’ll know a little more by then.”

“You better know a lot more, Doc,” Gibbs growled, hanging up the phone in one fluid motion. He leaned his forehead against the wall and began to clench and unclench his fist. The team leader knew that he shouldn’t have taken his irritation at himself out on Dr. Winesett, but the frustration of not knowing was eating away at him. “Damn it,” he muttered under his breath. 

“Jethro?” Ducky called to him. “Jethro, what did the doctor say?”

Gibbs relayed what little information he knew to his friend. Ducky hung onto every word, sometimes asking questions that he wished he had thought to ask. Pushing himself off the wall, he began to pace in front of the nurse’s station. “The doctor said that the two bullets that entered Tony’s back have done a lot of damage to his spine and to some of his internal organs. They really didn’t know anything else.”

“I would venture to say that there is a substantial amount of swelling around his spinal cord and that until the swelling goes down, it may be difficult to ascertain the damage,” the ME deduced. “The doctors here are among the best in the nation; I’m sure that they will do everything they can for Tony.” 

Gibbs merely nodded at Ducky’s attempt at consolation. “I need some air,” he finally mumbled. 

“Do you want some company?” 

“No. Stay here in case…in case the doctor comes by. I won’t be gone long.”

Gibbs didn’t wait for elevator to arrive. He needed to get outside and into the cool evening air. Taking the steps two at a time, he barely cleared the door before he found himself kneeling on the ground, losing the contents of his stomach. His retching quickly turned into dry heaves and it was more than a few minutes before he could muster the strength to stand. 

Finally pushing himself up off the ground, he slowly made his way over to an empty picnic table. He sat down, his hands cradling his now aching head. Why couldn’t he just wake up from this nightmare? If he could only go back in time and do things differently, maybe Tony wouldn’t be in surgery fighting for his life. 

How could he have let this happen? He should have learned his lesson with Ari. That particular obsession had cost Kate her life and now he had to face the possibility of losing Tony because he had lost his objectivity on this last case. He had allowed his personal feelings to cloud his judgment, something that he should not have permitted. Gibbs could only hope that someday Tony would be able to forgive him.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

McGee pulled the truck into its customary parking space and cut off the engine. He glanced over at Ziva who was still staring out the window. They had not spoken since leaving the crime scene, each content to be left alone with their own thoughts. Now they were back at work and had to acknowledge a reality that they had yet to accept themselves. 

“Ready to go inside?” he asked, shattering the silence between them.

Ziva’s gaze remained fixed. “Not really.”

“Me neither,” McGee admitted. 

“I can not stop thinking about what happened.”

“I know what you mean.”

McGee didn’t think that he would ever be able to forget the sight of Tony’s blood staining the asphalt. He and Ziva had arrived as DiNozzo was being loaded into the ambulance; the urgency in the paramedic’s voices told the agents that their friend’s condition was grave. Neither of them knew what happened and Gibbs didn’t seem to be able or willing to answer their inquiries. The team leader was focused on Tony and the life sustaining acts that were being initiated by the two paramedics.

The junior agent couldn’t help but notice the blood that covered Gibbs’ hands. He knew that it was Tony’s blood and that realization unnerved him. As the ambulance was getting ready to leave with Tony and the young girl that they had rescued, Gibbs managed to quickly inform them as to what had happened, but McGee had the feeling that the former Marine was not being entirely honest with them. 

He and Ziva had assured Gibbs that they could process the crime scene without him, knowing that he needed to be at the hospital with Tony. They had spent the better part of the afternoon along with Jimmy Palmer trying to find the missing pieces of the puzzle. Unfortunately, the puzzle that they had put together did not result in a beautiful picture; instead, the picture was a collage of blood and gunfire resulting in Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo barely clinging to life.

“We better get this evidence to Abby,” McGee suggested.

“There is not that much to process. It is abundantly clear what happened,” Ziva snapped.

“It is?”

“Yes.”

“Care to enlighten me since you’ve obviously given this some thought?”

McGee heard Ziva sigh. As she turned to face him, he could sense the myriad of emotions churning inside her; he could easily empathize with the Mossad officer, he was trying to get a handle on his own feelings. Anger, confusion, and worry, were their constant companions now and would be until they were able to talk with Gibbs. 

“Tony and Gibbs managed to cut off the suspects,” Ziva began. “The kidnappers then opened fired on them. Tony was obviously hit, but he apparently still managed to kill one of them and Gibbs shot the other one.”

He rolled his eyes. “Ziva, that sounds exactly like what Gibbs told us.”

“Yes it does.”

“But you’re not buying that?”

Ziva shook her head. “McGee, you are a trained investigator, are you not?”

“Yeah,” he said.

“As am I.”

“Ziva, what are you getting at?”

“There are too many questions left unanswered.”

“Such as?”

McGee was trying not to wither under Ziva’s intense glare. “Do not try and play the stool McGee,” she warned.

“You mean fool,” he instinctively corrected.

“Whatever. You know what I am talking about.”

He nodded, inadvertently blowing out a pent up breath. “Yeah, I know and you’re right.”

“Why did they not have their protective vests on?”

“I don’t know. Maybe there wasn’t time,” he suggested, a hint of hopefulness in his voice.

“They could have taken the time before they got in the car,” Ziva reasoned. “And how do you explain Tony getting shot in the back?”

“Maybe the second perp shot him when he was taking down the first one.”

“I do not think so. The measurements and sketches tell another story.”

“What do you think happened?” McGee nervously asked.

“I think Gibbs shot Tony.”

McGee tightly clenched his jaw. Ziva had uttered the very words that he had been afraid to speak. He had developed his suspicions after snapping the photos of the crime scene, but had elected to keep his findings to himself. Evidently, Ziva had done the same thing. 

“It had to be an accident,” McGee replied, defending the man that he considered to be his mentor.

“Of course it was an accident,” Ziva agreed. “I am just not sure how Gibbs accidentally shooting one of his team will be viewed by…others.”

“We need to talk to Gibbs.”

“Before we talk to anyone else,” Ziva added. 

McGee nodded. “All right, we’ll take the evidence to Abby and then go to the hospital.”

“Not a word to anyone.”

“Not even to Abby?”

“You can tell Abby of our suspicions, but no one else.”

McGee knew that Gibbs had to be carrying a heavy load of guilt upon his shoulders. He hoped for the team leader’s sake that he was wrong, but his gut was telling him otherwise. “If Gibbs did shoot Tony…” McGee couldn’t finish his thought. 

“I know, McGee. I know,” Ziva whispered. 

The two agents got out of the truck, collected the boxes of evidence, and made their way to Abby’s lab. With the exception of a couple of agents asking them if they had heard anything about how Tony was doing, their journey to the lab was uneventful. As they entered the lab, the first thing that he and Ziva noticed was that the usual blaring music that Abby preferred had been replaced by the softer sounds of jazz. They exchanged worried glances. “Abby?” McGee called out.

She came walking out of her office, wiping away the tears as they fell down her cheeks. McGee sat the box of evidence down and walked over to her. “Abby, are you all right?”

“No,” Abby replied as she began to pace. “I’m not all right. Tony’s been shot and I’m stuck here processing evidence. I need to be at the hospital.”

“There’s nothing you can do there, Abby,” he pointed out. “At least here you can stay busy and keep your mind off…”

“Off of what, McGee? How am I supposed to keep my mind off of Tony? I need to be there for him and for Gibbs. Gibbs must be going out of his mind!”

McGee placed his hands on the Goth’s shoulders, forcing her to stand still and listen to him. Convinced that he had her attention, he knew that he had to tell her about what they had pieced together from the crime scene. Abby had a special bond with the team leader and the last thing McGee wanted to do was to say or do anything that would destroy that relationship. 

“Abby,” he nervously began. “Ziva and I have something to tell you.”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

He sensed someone approaching him. Jethro Gibbs looked up from where he was sitting to discover the young lady that he and Tony had just rescued a few hours ago. Sarah Carpenter was the daughter of Major Thomas Carpenter. Sarah had been a witness to the murder of a marine and had been kidnapped to prevent her from testifying. There was no doubt in Gibbs’ mind that she would end up dead, just like Shannon and Kelly, and he was not about to let that happen. He was determined to spare her father the same grief that he had suffered. Finding Sarah became his top priority and his team blindly followed him on yet another self destructive path, trying to make sure that he didn’t cross the fine line of justice once again. 

“Agent Gibbs,” she shyly greeted. 

“Sarah, how are you?” he asked, his voice betraying his weariness.

“I’m fine. Just a few bruises, here and there,” Sarah replied. “I was waiting on my dad to come and pick me up and I saw you just sitting over here all alone; I thought I would come over and thank you for finding me. You rescued me just in time. They were going to…” 

Gibbs stood up and with his calloused thumb, wiped away Sarah’s tears. “I know. I’m glad you’re all right. You just go home and enjoy being a teenager.”

“I will,” she promised. “As a matter of fact, I plan on going to the mall tomorrow. I think that I can get a major shopping spree out of this ordeal,” she teased.

The former Marine grinned. “I bet you can.”

“I…uh…also want to tell you that I know that Agent DiNozzo got hurt because of me and I’ll never be able to repay him for…”

“Agent DiNozzo was doing his job. He wasn’t hurt because of you.” He was hurt because of my carelessness, Gibbs silently mused. “He wouldn’t want you blaming yourself for any of this,” he continued, knowing that he would be carrying enough guilt for the both of them. 

“Someday when he’s feeling better, I’d like to thank him,” Sarah said.

“I’m sure he’d like that.”

“We’ll be in touch. I’m sure that my father will insist on a commendation for you and Agent DiNozzo.” 

“That won’t be necessary. Just knowing that you’re going to get the chance to finish growing up is all the reward that we need,” he assured her. 

Sarah stood on her toes and placed a kiss on Gibbs’ cheek. “Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome.”

Gibbs watched her as she went back inside to wait for her father. After Sarah was out of sight, he glanced at his watch and realized that almost another two hours had passed. He needed to get back inside, but part of him wasn’t sure that he was ready to face the reality that awaited him. All he wanted to hear was that Tony was going to be all right and he knew that the doctor couldn’t tell him that. 

His phone rang and he glanced at the caller ID. It was Duck. “Gibbs.”

“Jethro, they are moving Tony to recovery and Dr. Winesett is on his way up here and he wants to talk to you.”

“I’m on my way.”

Gibbs hung up the phone and began making his way up to the waiting area. He was a few minutes away from learning if he had ruined Tony’s life forever; a thought that was becoming harder and harder to live with. If he was having a hard time accepting the possibility, how would DiNozzo react? Would Tony think that his life wasn’t worth living if he couldn’t walk? 

He had to force those thoughts out of his mind. Gibbs knew that he needed to have a clear head when he talked to Dr. Winesett. Until Tony could make his own decisions, he was responsible for the young man and it was a responsibility that he took very seriously. He silently vowed that no matter what the outcome, Tony would not have to face the future alone.


	3. The Long Road Home

Abby was still having a difficult time believing what had happened. Her worst fears had been realized when Ducky had informed her that Tony had been shot. Memories of Kate’s untimely death came flooding back and it had taken a few minutes for the ME to convince her that Tony was still alive. 

As soon as she was alone, Abby put on one of Tony’s favorite jazz albums and sat down on the floor, hugging Bert to her chest. “You have to be all right Tony, or I’ll kick your ass. The last thing I told you was to be careful and what happens?” She squeezed the hippo tighter. “You go and get shot.”

“Abby?”

It was McGee. He and Ziva were bringing her evidence to process from the crime scene and she wasn’t looking forward to the task. Wiping her tears, she met them as McGee set a box of evidence and asked, “Abby, are you all right?”

The Goth began to pace. Maybe that last Caf-Pow! hadn’t been such a good idea. “No, I’m not all right! Tony’s been shot and I’m here processing evidence. I need to be at the hospital!”

“There’s nothing you can do there, Abby. At least here you can stay busy and keep your mind off…”

“Off of what, McGee? How am I supposed to keep my mind off of Tony? I need to be there for him and for Gibbs. Gibbs must be going out of his mind!”

Abby suddenly found herself face to face with McGee as he blocked her path. The look in Tim’s eyes scared her. Something was wrong. 

“Abby,” McGee began. “Ziva and I have something to tell you.”

“What’s wrong? Tony’s not…the Director said that he wasn’t…oh my God, he’s dead, isn’t he?”

McGee shook his head. “No,” he quickly answered. “The last we heard, Tony was still in surgery.”

Balling up her fist, she punched him in the shoulder.

“Ow!” he cried out. “What was that for?”

“For scaring the hell out of me!”

Pushing past McGee, she began to sort through the evidence. “Is this all there is?”

She glared at McGee when he grabbed the evidence bag out of her hand. “Abby, you’ve got to hear us out!” he demanded, his tone carrying a sharper edge than she was used to.

Abby crossed her arms and impatiently waited for McGee to continue. She wasn’t sure that she wanted to hear what he had to say, but she also knew that she really didn’t have a choice. Abby could see the concern and uncertainly shadowing the faces of her friends; whatever they had to tell her was obviously causing them a great deal of stress.

Her expression softened as she pulled McGee into a hug, crushing the evidence bag between them as she apologized profusely. “I’m sorry, Timmy. I’m so sorry. I’m just so worried about Tony and…”

“I know, Abs,” he murmured in her ear. “We’re all worried about Tony.”

Pulling away, she leaned against the counter and closed her eyes, mentally preparing herself to hear and absorb what McGee was going to tell her. She opened her eyes and nodded, “All right. I’m ready.”

McGee blew out a pent up breath. “Abby, there’s no easy way to say this.” 

“Say what?” Abby anxiously inquired.

She watched with interest as McGee glanced in Ziva, who in turn acknowledged his silent question with a curt nod. He turned his attention back to Abby and continued, his confidence seemingly increasing a notch or two. 

“You know that Tony was shot four times. Once in the side, once in the shoulder, and twice in the back.”

“Ducky told me that much,” she said.

“Well, Ziva and I were processing the crime scene and we discovered something unexpected,” McGee explained. “Judging from the sketches, measurements, and photos, we think that, I mean the evidence indicates that the bullets that Tony took in the back didn’t come from the guns of the perps.”

“What are you saying, McGee?”

“We suspect that Gibbs shot Tony in the back,” McGee finally admitted.

“What? That’s impossible!” Abby vehemently declared. “Gibbs would never hurt Tony!”

“I’m sure it was an accident,” Ziva quickly added. “A miscalculation or…”

“Gibbs doesn’t make miscalculations, Ziva!”

“Not usually,” the Mossad officer corrected. “But you have to admit that Gibbs’ judgment has been clouded these past few days. He was obsessed with finding Sarah and perhaps he just did not see Tony. Until we talk to Gibbs…”

“He’s innocent until proven guilty!” Abby snapped. “He wouldn’t shoot Tony.”

“Abby, I know that this is difficult for you to hear, but once you start processing the evidence, you will come to the same conclusions. We are on our way to the hospital to talk to Gibbs and until we know exactly what happened, we need to keep this under wraps. Not just for Gibbs’ sake, but for Tony’s as well.”

The Goth nodded in agreement. “All right, but you’re wrong. Gibbs would not do that to Tony. I mean Tony is like his son and…”

“We know, Abby. That’s why we have to know for sure,” McGee said. 

“Then you both better get out of my lab,” Abby ordered. “It looks like I’ve got some work to do.”

“Abby…” 

Grabbing McGee by the shoulders, she turned him around and pointed him towards the door. “I’ll call you when I have something.”

She waited until Ziva and McGee left before she picked up another evidence bag. It was Tony’s gun. How was she supposed to do this? Ziva and McGee wouldn’t lie to her. They were trained investigators and they wouldn’t have told her of their suspicions unless they truly believed that Gibbs had shot Tony. There had to be a mistake and she was going to prove them wrong. She had to. Abby couldn’t shake the feeling that the only way to keep her family from falling apart was to prove that Gibbs was innocent of any wrongdoing. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Gibbs joined Ducky as Dr. Winesett escorted them to his office. He was glad that the ME was here with him; the team leader knew that he would have a lot of questions and Ducky would be able to help him sort out what exactly Dr. Winesett was saying. As much as he dreaded hearing about Tony’s condition, he wanted the truth. He didn’t want any false platitudes; Gibbs simply wanted to know if he had ruined DiNozzo’s life. 

The doctor gestured for them to sit down as he pulled up a chair and joined them. Gibbs was impressed that this doctor didn’t hide behind his desk; Dr. Winesett evidently wasn’t one to distance himself from his patients and their families. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” the physician began. “I wanted to make sure that Agent DiNozzo was settled in recovery before I spoke with you. He should be in there another half hour before we move him to the Critical Care Unit.”

“Well as you can imagine Dr. Winesett, we are most anxious to hear about how young Anthony is doing,” Ducky said. 

The team leader nodded in agreement, uncertain of whether he could trust his voice to speak. 

“Of course. Well, I already told you about the wound to his shoulder and his side. Barring any unforeseen complications, Agent DiNozzo should fully recover from those injuries,” the doctor stated with confidence. 

Clearing his throat, Gibbs managed to ask, “What about the bullets he took in his back?”

“His right ureter was torn by shrapnel from one of the bullets. In simple terms, the ureter is the tube that connects the kidney to the bladder. He also had some fragments imbedded in his right kidney but thankfully, the damage wasn’t too severe. We managed to remove the fragments and repair the ureter, but we will have to keep an eye on his kidney and bladder function for quite a while.”

“What about the other bullet? The one you don’t want to tell me about?” 

“Right now, there is too much swelling around his spinal cord to know the full extent of the damage,” the doctor informed them.

“But you have a pretty good idea, don’t you, Doc?”

“Yeah,” Winesett admitted.

“Well?” Gibbs pressed.

“Because he was shot as such close range, the damage ended up being quite severe. His spinal cord has been partially severed between the T10 and T11 vertebrae. He also has several fragments lodged against his spine that are too risky to remove at this time. Hopefully when the swelling goes down, we’ll be able to remove them before they cause too many problems.”

Gibbs cradled his head in his hands. He felt Ducky squeeze his shoulder, reminding him that he wasn’t alone. The team leader took a deep breath and blew it out, knowing that he had to pull himself together. Meeting the doctor’s compassionate gaze, he asked, “What now?”

“For now, we are going to keep him in a drug induced coma to keep him still. Until the swelling goes down and we can see what we’re facing, I don’t want the chance of him trying to move around and doing even more damage.”

“How long will you keep him in the coma?” Ducky asked.

“At least two or three days,” Winesett answered. “It’ll also give his body a chance to start healing without having the added stress of discovering that he’s…”

“Paralyzed.” Gibbs abruptly stated, finishing the doctor’s sentence.

“Agent Gibbs, your agent has the top surgeons and physicians attending to him; we are doing everything we can to help Agent DiNozzo.”

“Will it be enough to help him walk again?” 

Dr. Winesett fell silent. Gibbs had his answer. DiNozzo was now facing life in a wheelchair and it was his fault. “Can I see him?”

“Of course, I’ll take you up to Critical Care. I want to check on him before I leave for the day.”

The trio began their trek towards CCU, the two doctors engrossed in conversation as the former Marine tried to follow the medical jargon. Ducky and Dr. Winesett were discussing the potential problems Tony was facing, and Gibbs had to admit to himself that he wasn’t ready to consider what the future held for DiNozzo. The team leader was having enough trouble dealing with the present; he knew that Ducky would fill him on the sordid details later. 

Gibbs was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize that they were now standing outside the door of the Critical Care Unit. “If you gentlemen will wait here, I’ll have a nurse come and get you when Tony’s settled in,” the doctor assured them.

The team leader merely nodded as the ME thanked Dr. Winesett. As soon as the physician was out of sight, Gibbs walked into the waiting area and sat down on the couch. He knew that Ducky had followed him and was now sitting beside him, waiting for him to say something. Although he was considered to be a man of few words, at the moment, he had nothing to say. 

“Jethro?” Ducky called out to him. 

“Yeah?”

“There’s still hope, Jethro. Once the swelling goes down…”

“He’s still going to be paralyzed, isn’t he?”

Ducky nodded. “Yes, but the damage may not be as severe as they think. We’re just going to have to wait and see.”

“I don’t want to wait, Duck! I want somebody to tell me that Tony is going to walk again. How can I face him knowing I did this to him?”

“It was an accident, Jethro,” Ducky reasoned. “A horrible accident and nothing more.”

“It should have never happened!”

“But it did and you are going to have to accept that fact. Tony is going to need all our support, especially yours.”

“When he finds out what I’ve done, he’s not going to want me anywhere around him,” he growled. 

“I think you’re underestimating Anthony. He’s proven to be quite the fighter and I can’t imagine that he would let something like this change his perspective on life.”

Gibbs leaned his head back against the cushion. “You really believe that, Duck?”

The ME sat down beside him. “It will take him some time to get used to the idea, but I do believe that Anthony will be able to reclaim his life.”

“I hope you’re right, but I know DiNozzo and I know how he thinks. This is going to kill him.”

“Jethro, I…”

“Duck, please,” the ex-Marine snapped. 

“Very well,” the ME replied.

The team leader had not meant to hurt Ducky’s feelings, but he couldn’t bear to hear any more promises that everything was going to be all right. The fact remained that things were never going to be the same all because of one careless moment. 

Gibbs tried closing his eyes, wishing that he could block the images playing in his mind. He wasn’t sure if he ever going to be able to look Tony in the eye again; truthfully, he wasn’t sure that he would even be able to stand looking at his own reflection in the mirror.

“I’m sorry, Duck,” he said. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at myself.”

“It’s quite all right, Jethro. I assure you that I didn’t take it personally. In fact, I remember a time when…”

Before Ducky could continue his recollection, a nurse came in the waiting room to inform them that they could see Tony. Nodding his thanks, Gibbs stood up and followed the nurse into the CCU, the ME staying close behind him. 

Stopping just outside Tony’s room, the nurse introduced herself. “My name is Hannah and I’ll be Agent DiNozzo’s nurse for the rest of the evening. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to ask.”

“Jethro Gibbs and this is Dr. Donald Mallard,” the team leader stated.

“I’m sure that you’re aware that Dr. Winesett is keeping Agent DiNozzo in a drug induced coma for a couple of days so his body can begin healing. He is hooked up to several IV’s and monitors, and we’re still trying to replenish the blood he lost, but thankfully, he’s not on a respirator. Of course, because of his history, we will be watching for signs of pneumonia. Dr. Pitt has been notified that Agent DiNozzo has been admitted, so I figure he’ll be stopping by.”

The Scotsman leaned over and whispered to the team leader. “That’s good. I was actually going to suggest we notify him of the situation.”

Gibbs nodded in agreement as he stared through the window at Tony’s still form. “Can I go on in?” he quietly inquired.

“Of course,” Hannah answered. “I would even suggest talking to him; it may help his recovery. You would be amazed at what people in comas seem to remember once they are awake.”

“Been there, done that,” Gibbs mumbled. 

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing.”

“Jethro, you go on in and be with Tony,” Ducky suggested. “I’ll be along in a few minutes after I look at his chart.” The ME smiled at the nurse. “I am his primary physician after all.”

“I know,” she said, returning the older man’s grin. “I’ve read his history. Not everybody has a medical examiner as their family doctor.” 

“I just have two patients, but of course, they keep me very busy. They constantly remind me why I prefer to work with the dead. They can’t talk back,” the doctor teased. 

Ignoring the exchange of banter between Ducky and the nurse, Gibbs slowly entered Tony’s room. If it hadn’t been for the tubes and wires attached to the younger man’s body, he would have assumed that Tony had merely been sleeping. The only sign that he had been wounded was the fact that his left arm was bound to his body; all his other injuries were being hidden by the blanket that was pulled up to his chest. 

Gibbs pulled a chair up beside his bed. Tony had been by his side for almost seven years and this was how he repaid his loyalty, by putting him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He placed his hand on top of Tony’s, mindful of the IV’s supplying life saving measures to the agent’s ravaged body. If DiNozzo were awake, he would probably chafe at the physical contact, insisting that Gibbs not make a fuss, but secretly cherishing the attention he was receiving. 

Tony was an enigma, that much was for certain. DiNozzo wanted Gibbs’ approval more than anything and he knew that, but Tony wasn’t afraid to challenge his decisions if he thought the team leader was wrong. Just this morning, DiNozzo had questioned the former Marine’s judgment in the case of Sarah Carpenter and Gibbs had all but ignored him. Maybe if he had listened, Tony wouldn’t be lying in CCU, unaware that his life was about to change forever.


	4. The Long Road Home

Ducky glanced at his watch, mentally calculating that Jethro had been sitting by Tony’s bedside for over half an hour. He had a feeling that the team leader would refuse to leave the younger man’s side, at least until DiNozzo was permitted to wake up from his drug induced coma. Once Tony was fully cognizant of what had happened, Gibbs believed that his senior field agent would want nothing more to do with him. The ME had tried to convince his old friend that he shouldn’t underestimate Tony’s knack for beating the odds; after all, the man had survived the plague. However, Ducky’s words had fallen on deaf ears.

Guilt was consuming the former Marine and Ducky was afraid that Gibbs would let it destroy him. Jethro thought of Tony as the son that he never had. Truthfully, DiNozzo and Gibbs were very much alike and anyone who had ever spent time around the two of them could see this as well. The belief that he was responsible for Tony’s condition was going to be a difficult burden for the team leader to bear.

“Oh Jethro,” he sighed. “I wish I knew what to say to convince you that you are not to blame. It was a dreadful accident and…”

He suddenly got the feeling that he was no longer alone. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought that Jethro was standing behind him. Ducky looked over his shoulder to discover Dr. Brad Pitt standing in the doorway of the doctor’s lounge. The younger doctor was wearing an amused grin, prompting Ducky to ask, “Haven’t you ever seen someone talk to themselves before?”

“I do it all the time,” Dr. Pitt assured him as he extended his hand.

“Bradley!” Ducky enthusiastically shook the other man’s hand. “It’s good to see you again, my boy!”

“It’s good to see you too, Dr. Mallard,” Brad said. “I just wish it was under better circumstances.”

“I do too,” the ME agreed. “Please sit down and join me; I was just waiting on Jethro, although I don’t think he’ll be leaving anytime soon.”

“I take it he’s with Tony right now.”

“Yes,” Ducky replied. “Are you on your way to see Anthony? I know that Dr. Winesett called you in to keep a check on Tony’s lungs.”

Brad nodded as he sat down opposite the medical examiner. “Yes he did. Because of Tony’s history, he thought it was a good idea. I was just studying his chart before I went in to see him.”

“Not very promising, is it?”

“No, it’s not. I’m sorry, Dr. Mallard. I wish that the prognosis was better.”

“Now Bradley, must I remind you that my friends call me Ducky,” the Scotsman reminded him. “I certainly count you among my friends, young man.”

“Thank you, Dr. Mallard, I mean Ducky,” Pitt quickly corrected. 

Ducky nodded his approval as he took a sip of the coffee that had been sitting in front of him. He made a disgusted face as he swallowed the cold liquid. “I prefer tea, but beggars can’t be choosers,” he stated.

“I know what you mean,” Brad agreed, leaning back in his chair. 

The two men cherished the few moments of companionable silence between them; sometimes words weren’t always necessary to convey a message of support between friends. It was Dr. Pitt who finally shattered the stillness. “I assume from your comments that you’ve read Dr. Winesett’s notes.”

“Yes, I have.”

“Dr. Winesett is one of the best doctors I’ve ever had the privilege of working with. Tony’s in good hands.”

“I know that and I respect his opinion. I understand that Anthony will probably never walk again and I will be able to eventually accept it, but I’m not so sure about Tony and Jethro. This is going to be hard on both of them, especially Tony.”

“Tony will pull through this,” Brad said, his voice radiating a confidence that the ME wished that he felt. 

“It will just take time,” Ducky added, uncertain if he believed his own words.

“And a lot of patience.”

“Unfortunately, neither Tony nor Jethro are very patient men,” the elder physician pointed out.

“They won’t have a choice.”

Ducky blew out a frustrated breath. “You don’t have to tell me. Why I remember one time when Anthony and Jethro were…” The medical examiner stopped mid-sentence and stared at Brad in disbelief. 

“Is there something wrong, Ducky?” Brad asked.

“No. I’m just not used to being able to tell a story in its entirety.”

“Well, I’d love to hear your story,” the young man said. “All I’ve got to do before I leave for the day is to go and check on Tony. I’ll give Agent Gibbs a few more minutes of privacy before I go on in.”

Ducky smiled at his colleague. “Well, in that case…” The ME continued his story of how Tony and Jethro had both been injured during a bust and were forced to spend their recuperation period together and the antics that ensued from their forced convalescence. It was memories such as these that Ducky truly cherished, the ones that he would have to call upon in the difficult days that lay ahead for all of them. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Ziva and McGee entered the Intensive Care Unit and looked around. They had been on their way to the hospital to question Gibbs when Ducky had called them and given them an update on Tony’s condition. The news had not been good, making what they had to do even more difficult. Upon their arrival, the two investigators easily found ICU and it was just a few seconds before a nurse noticed their presence and approached the duo. “Can I help you?” she asked.

“We’re looking for Agent Anthony DiNozzo’s room,” McGee said. “I’m Agent Tim McGee and this is Ziva David; we work with Tony.”

“Agent DiNozzo is in the last room on the left,” the nurse informed them. “He has someone with him right now.”

The Mossad officer glanced at the young lady’s nametag. “Thank you, Hannah. Is the doctor in with him?”

“No. I believe Agent Gibbs is still with Agent DiNozzo; he’s been in there for almost an hour.”

“We need to speak with him,” Ziva said. 

“You can go on in but don’t stay too long,” Hannah said. “Even though Agent DiNozzo is in a coma, he still needs his rest.”

“We will not be long.”

As Hannah returned to the nurse’s station, Ziva and McGee cautiously approached Tony’s room. As they peered inside the room, they saw Gibbs sitting in a chair, staring at DiNozzo’s still form. It was unnerving to see Tony so motionless; the only notable movement was the rise and fall of his chest. The senior field agent had an energy about him that was not easily harnessed, but now, that vigor had been subdued to a drug induced slumber and it deeply bothered both Ziva and McGee. 

“You two just going to stand there?” Gibbs inquired, his tone flat and nearly devoid of emotion.

Ziva and Tim exchanged a worried glance and quietly entered the room. “How is he?” she finally managed to ask.

“He’s in a coma, Officer David.”

“But Ducky told us that it was drug induced.”

“It’s still a coma.”

“I supposed you are right,” she conceded. “Um, Ducky told us what the doctor said and…”

“Did he tell you that Tony’s not going to walk again?” the team leader snapped.

“Yes, but he also said that until the swelling goes down, they won’t know the extent of the damage. It sounds like there is a possibility that…”

“He’s still going to be paralyzed.”

Ziva took a deep breath and blew it out. “I know and we will see him through this. We are a team and we look out for each other.”

“We’re supposed to. I didn’t do too good of a job looking out for him today.”

Was Gibbs admitting that he was to blame for what happened to Tony? She and McGee had their suspicions but had not voiced them to anyone save for Abby. Ziva nudged her partner and motioned for him to explain to Gibbs their reason for being here.

“Uh, Boss,” McGee called out. “We need to talk to you.”

“It can wait,” Gibbs mumbled.

“No, it can’t. We uh…we have some questions that we need answered.”

“Not now, McGee!”

“I’m sorry, Boss. We have to know the truth.”

The team leader looked up and glared at the two agents. “The truth? You want to know the truth?”

“Some of the evidence isn’t adding up,” McGee further explained. “We think that…”

“That what, McGee?” Gibbs angrily challenged. 

“Maybe we should continue this outside,” Ziva suggested.

Gibbs pushed himself up and stormed out of the room. McGee started to follow him, but was stopped by Ziva. “Give him a moment,” she said. “He needs to have a clear head before we question him.” 

“You’re right.”

Ziva stood beside Tony’s bed side. She leaned down and gently placed a kiss on his forehead. “We are here for you,” she whispered. “Do not forget that.”

“Do you think he knows we’re here?” McGee asked.

“I have read that people in comas can still hear what is going on around them. If that is the case, then I want Tony to know that we are not going to turn our back on him.”

McGee nodded and made his way to the other side of the bed. “She’s right, Tony,” he added. “We’re going to be here every step…” Tim winced at his choice of words. “We’re here with you, buddy.”

Ziva smiled at her partner. “We need to talk to Gibbs.”

“Do you think he’s had long enough?” Tim nervously asked.

“We have to know what happened.”

They quietly left the room to look for Gibbs. He was nowhere to be found, but Ziva and McGee knew that he wouldn’t venture too far. Ziva approached the nurse’s desk where Hannah was working on a chart. “Excuse me,” she said. “Did you see where Agent Gibbs went?”

“He went to the men’s room and then said that he was going for coffee,” Hannah informed them.

Ziva looked at McGee. “Cafeteria, maybe?”

“I guess it’s a good place to start,” he agreed.

“Or you could try the coffee shop down the street,” the petite nurse suggested.

“Thank you,” Ziva and McGee said in unison. 

As they entered the elevator, McGee tried Gibbs’ cell phone. After two rings, the team leader answered. “I’m waiting for you at the coffee shop.”

“We’ll be there in just a minute, Boss.”

Ziva could tell by McGee’s flustered expression that Gibbs had hung up on him. “The way he is acting tells me that our assumptions are correct,” she stated.

“I know, but there has to be a good explanation. I mean, Gibbs threatens to shoot Tony all the time, I don’t think he’d do it on purpose. I know he wouldn’t do it on purpose.”

“I know that, McGee. But when an agent shoots another agent, accidental or not, there is always an investigation. If we can get a handle on what actually happened, we can reflect it in our reports and maybe deflect some of the rumors that will most certainly abound.”

“Good point.”

They exited the hospital and in less than a minute were entering the coffee shop. Gibbs was sitting at a table in the corner, nursing a cup of his preferred brew. He silently greeted them and gestured for the two agents to join him. 

“Boss, you know that we don’t want to do this,” McGee began, attempting to assuage the team leader’s precarious temper. “We’re trying to help.”

“No cover up,” Gibbs insisted. “I messed up and I’ll take responsibility for my actions.”

“We just need to know what happed so we can…”

“Did you hear me, McGee? I said no cover ups!” 

“We are just trying to help you,” Ziva reasoned.

The teal leader exploded. “Tony and I went into a situation with no back up and I didn’t even give him time to put on his damn vest! We got in a shoot out and two of my bullets ended up in Tony’s back because I lost my objectivity! That’s what happened. Write it up however the hell you want to, but I don’t want the truth hidden behind a bunch of lies.”

“We need to know details. The sketches, measurements, and photos give us a pretty good idea of what happened, but we need to know…”

“Tony took pit one of the perps out, but he was shot. I thought he was down when I started to take the second one out. I didn’t see him get up until it was too late. Once the doctor’s remove what they can, you’ll have the fragments to back up my report.”

“Gibbs, it truly sounds like an accident. You did not shoot Tony on purpose,” Ziva declared.

“No, I didn’t, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was my bullet that severed his spinal cord and let’s not forget about the fragments that the doctors can’t even remove yet. I shot him and now he’s paralyzed. What else do you want me to say?” he growled. 

“I want you to realize that it was an accident. Tony will not blame you.”

“He doesn’t need to. I blame myself. Tell the Director that my report will be on her desk as soon as I can get it done.”

“You know that we’ll have to have Tony’s statement as well,” Ziva reminded him.

“I know, but you’ll have to wait until he’s stronger,” Gibbs said.

“We won’t cover anything up, but we’ll delay things as long as we can.”

Gibbs shook his head. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“We’re not doing it for you; we’re doing it for Tony,” she said.

“Does anyone else know?” Gibbs reluctantly inquired.

“We told Abby because she would have eventually figured it out when she started processing evidence.”

“How did she handle it?”

“She was pretty upset; determined to prove you innocent.”

“I need to talk to her. When you go back, tell her I need to see her.”

“Of course,” Ziva replied. 

A waitress brought Gibbs another coffee and he nodded his thanks. “I’ve got to get back to Tony. He shouldn’t be alone.”

“Would you like some company?” Ziva offered.

“No. You two go do your job,” the team leader ordered. “I’ll be in touch.”

Ziva and McGee watched Gibbs as he left the coffee shop and headed back towards the hospital. Gibbs had instructed them to do their jobs; the only problem was that as soon as the Director figured out what happened, they would be pulled off the case and another team would be assigned to investigate the shooting. Their team was falling apart and they were powerless to stop it. 

“We have got a lot of work to do,” Ziva said.

“Yep, and we are pressed for time,” Tim added.

“Let’s go and see if Abby has found anything and go from there.”

“Good idea and I’ll go and review Sarah Carpenter’s statement to see if there’s something that we’re missing.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

McGee pulled the keys to the car out of his pocket. “Let’s go.”

Ziva snatched them out of his hand. She smiled at the panicked expression on her teammate’s face. “I will drive. After all, we are in a hurry.”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Abby stared at the screen in front of her, her mind numb as she studied the results of the tests that she had run. She had managed to recreate the scene from the photos and sketches, only to learn the horrid truth that she had initially refused to believe. Gibbs had shot Tony.

She wasn’t sure who she was supposed to be angry or if she was supposed to cry. “This can’t be happening,” she mumbled over and over again.

“What can’t be happening?”

The Goth whirled around as the Director entered the lab. “Director Shepard,” Abby greeted. “Boy, that’s creepy. It was almost like Gibbs sneaking upon me. He must be giving you lessons.”

“I was his partner for a long time,” Jenny reminded her. “I did manage to learn a thing or two.”

“I guess so,” Abby said.

“So, speaking of Gibbs, I haven’t seen him around since I’ve been back.”

“Oh, that’s right. You were in Paris,” Abby recalled. “How was your trip?”

“It was fine, Abby. Now, where is Agent Gibbs?”

“He’s um…at the hospital.”

Abby couldn’t lie, but hopefully, the Director wouldn’t ask her for too many details. 

“What happened?” Jenny wanted to know.

“I’m not completely sure. He’s there with Tony.”

“Agent DiNozzo? Is he all right?”

“He was shot,” Abby answered truthfully.

The Director turned to leave. “If you talk to Jethro, tell him I’m on my way.”

Abby waved and turned back around to her computer screen. She knew she should warn Gibbs, but right now, she wasn’t sure that she wanted to talk to him. Forcing herself to pick up the phone, she called his number but her call was rerouted to his voice mail, which he never checked. She tried Ziva’s number and after two rings, the Mossad officer picked up.

“David.”

“Ziva, we have a problem,” she began with a forced calmness. “Director Shepard is back in town and on her way to the hospital. I had to tell her that Tony was shot. She got this weird look on her face and ran out of here, so I didn’t tell her that Gibbs shot him.”

“So, you know,” Ziva said.

“Yes. Did you talk to Gibbs?”

“We did and we will compare notes when we get back. Call Ducky and tell him what’s going on; maybe he can stall her.”

“Good idea.” Abby hung up her phone, not caring that she had abruptly cut Ziva off. “Guess the Director’s not the only one that’s learned a thing or two from Gibbs.”


	5. The Long Road Home

***flashback***

“Boss? Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Leroy Jethro Gibbs stopped mid-stride and whirled around to face his senior agent. He felt a small amount of pride as the younger agent firmly stood his ground, despite the team leader’s agitated demeanor. Gibbs’ foul mood was due to their current case and DiNozzo had been on the receiving end of his anger and frustration more than once this past week. Tony had taken the former Marine’s often harsh remarks with his usual good natured, carefree style; but now the agent seemed on edge, almost nervous, which was out of character for DiNozzo.

“What is it, DiNozzo?” Gibbs snapped, knowing that the gruffness in his voice only exacerbated his annoyance at the sudden delay.

“We should probably have this conversation in private,” Tony suggested.

“Can it wait? I’m on my way to MTAC to update Major Carpenter.”

“Yeah, I know. I just don’t think this can wait any longer.”

Motioning for DiNozzo to follow him, the two men headed for the elevator. As the doors to the elevator closed Gibbs hit the emergency stop switch, bringing the lift to an abrupt halt. “You’ve got two minutes, DiNozzo.”

“Good thing I’m a fast talker,” Tony quipped.

“One minute and fifty-five seconds.”

Tony nodded. “Right.”

The team leader glared at DiNozzo as the younger man took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled. It was obvious to Gibbs that Tony was reluctant to say what was on his mind; which under the circumstances was very unusual. He should have listened to the warning signals going off in the back of his own mind, but instead, his impatience with his senior field agent grew to an almost intolerable level.

“DiNozzo!” he barked. “I’m waiting.”

“Boss,” Tony began. “There’s no other way to say this, so I’m just going to spit it out.”

“I wish you would.”

DiNozzo’s eyes narrowed into angry slits as he clenched his fists, struggling to maintain his composure. Gibbs was taken back the rage emitting from the man who he could count on to follow him through the gates of hell.

“We’re worried about you,” Tony stated with a forced calmness.

“We?”

“Ziva, McGee, Abby, all of us,” DiNozzo continued to explain. “We’re concerned that you’re taking this case too personally. It’s starting to feel like Ari all over again.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, DiNozzo, a girl’s life is at stake.”

“I know that Boss, and I know that you feel some kind of kinship with Major Carpenter, especially with him being a Marine and the circumstances of the kidnapping. I’m sure that this case is making you think a lot about your wife and daughter and I know that you want to save Sarah Carpenter, but we’re not going to be able to help her if we’re running ourselves ragged chasing down dead leads.”

“It’s your job to run down leads, Special Agent DiNozzo!”

“I know my job, Special Agent Gibbs,” Tony shot back. 

“Then do it!”

“It’s kind of hard when Captain Ahab keeps stonewalling us!”

Gibbs visibly bristled. When he had been pursuing Ari, Tony had confronted him and made the suggestion that he read “Moby Dick”. In DiNozzo’s own unique way, he had been warning the team leader about becoming too driven and too focused in his hunt for the terrorist. He had been obsessed, but Tony and the others had followed him without question. Now, he was being challenged again, but this time DiNozzo and the others were not going to let him off so easy. 

Sarah Carpenter had witnessed a murder and was now being held captive to prevent her from testifying. She had missed the hearing, forcing the judge to declare a mistrial, but she had yet to be returned to her father. Once the identity of her kidnappers was made known, Gibbs knew that Sarah was running out of time. Alan Harris and Joel Aggleston were two men that the team leader had helped put away when he had been partnered with Mike Franks; they had been released on parole and would work for the highest bidder. 

Once they had discovered Gibbs was the one leading the search, they had taken great pleasure in taunting him and remaining one step ahead of him. Sarah Carpenter was now being held because Harris and Aggleston were trying to get even with him. He was not about to let that innocent girl be used as a pawn so these two lowlifes could exact their revenge. Surely Tony and the others understood that!

The ex-Marine took a step closer to the agent. “Stonewalling you?” he asked.

“That’s what I said. Every time we think we get a lead, you conveniently forget to tell us that you’ve already checked it out. It’s getting old, Boss. We want to help you, but you can’t shut us out. Last time you did that, I had to jump into a freezing cold river and rescue you. What if I’m not there the next time?”

Before Gibbs could reply, his cell phone rang. “Gibbs,” he answered. “When? Where? I’m on my way.”

“Got a hit on the bolo,” the team leader quickly explained. He hit the emergency stop button to release the elevator car and then punched the button that would take them to the garage. “You’re with me; notify McGee and Ziva on the way,” he instructed.

He didn’t miss Tony’s sigh of resignation. “On it, Boss.”

His gut was literally screaming at him but he chose to ignore it. Something was wrong, but he didn’t have the time to sort out his feelings. Gibbs was close to saving Sarah from her tormentors and he wouldn’t let anyone stand in his way. He vowed that when this nightmare was over, he would make it up to his team; however, fate was not going to be that kind to Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

 

***end flashback***

 

“I should have listened to you,” the team leader whispered. “I should have taken the time to hear what you had to say. Instead, I ran off half cocked, and just like Ishmael, you followed me without question. I was wrong and I’m sorry.”

Hannah, Tony’s nurse came in and checked the young man’s dressings. Gibbs watched as a satisfied expression danced across her lovely features. “He’s doing as well as can be expected,” she informed him. “He’s definitely a fighter.”

Gibbs nodded. “Yes, he is.”

“Can I get you anything, Agent Gibbs?” she offered. “I just made a fresh pot of coffee and I can order you something from the cafeteria.”

“Just some coffee.”

“It’s going to be a long couple of days,” Hannah pointed out. “You need to keep your strength up; he’s going to need you when he wakes up.”

“I doubt that. I’ll probably be the last person he’ll want to see.”

“You don’t seem like the kind of man who normally wallows in self pity.”

Gibbs had to smile at Hannah’s forwardness. “Not usually,” he answered. “But this time, I’m just facing reality.”

“A reality that hasn’t become a certainty. Don’t give up hope.”

“Hope is all I’ve got right now.”

“Sometimes that’s all we need.” Hannah smiled and turned to leave. “I’ll be back with your coffee in just a few minutes. In the meantime, try and get some rest.”

“Thank you,” Gibbs quietly replied. 

Hope. What kind of hope did Tony have of ever walking again? Everyone seemed to take great pains in reminding the team leader that DiNozzo was strong and that he would be fine. He wondered if they honestly believed that or if they were just trying to make him feel better about shooting his senior agent; Gibbs felt that it was probably the latter. 

“I wish I could trade places with you,” he mumbled. “I would in a heartbeat; I hope you know that.” Gibbs didn’t know if Tony could actually hear him, but that didn’t stop him from speaking his mind. He realized that a lifetime of apologies wouldn’t make up for what he had done. How could Tony forgive him?

“Jethro?”

Gibbs looked up to see Director Jenny Shepherd standing in the doorway. He should have known that she would be here sooner or later, of course, he would have preferred later. The last thing that he wanted to do was to relive this disastrous day once again, but he would apparently have no choice in the matter.

“Director,” he tiredly greeted.

“What happened?” she softly inquired.

“Haven’t you heard?”

“I just got back from my trip to learn that Agent DiNozzo had been shot. I haven’t received any official reports from you or from your team. So, do you want to tell me what happened?” Jenny pressed.

The team leader sighed. How many times was he going to have to retell the story? He figured that this wouldn’t be the last time, especially after Jenny discovered the truth. “I can’t do this right now,” he said. 

“Why not?”

“Because I need to stay with Tony,” he attempted to reason.

“I’m sure that Ducky would be glad to come and sit with Tony for a few minutes,” she countered. “Jethro, you know this can’t wait. A shooting of a federal agent requires immediate…”

“Don’t start spouting off regulations to me!”

“I don’t want to do that, Jethro, but I will if I have to. I want to know how Tony got shot and I want the truth.”

Gibbs glared at his former lover. “Do you think I’d be anything less than honest with you?”

“I didn’t say that. I know how you feel about Tony,” she attempted to reason. “You see him as the son you never had and those feelings can bring out certain parental instincts.”

“Such as?’

“The instinct to protect your child.”

“You think I’m covering up for Tony?”

“It almost seems that way.”

“Tony didn’t do anything wrong,” he growled. Why would Jenny automatically assume that it was DiNozzo’s fault? “I’m the one who put him here.”

Jenny’s eyes narrowed, her expression confused. “What?”

“I’m the one who put Tony in here,” Gibbs repeated. “You’ll get my report when I get back to the office.”

“I don’t think so. I think you better tell me what happened and start from the beginning.”

Frustrated at the Director’s persistence, he reluctantly agreed to meet her in the cafeteria. “Give me ten minutes,” he requested. “I need to find Duck and see if he can sit with Tony. I don’t want him to be alone.”

Jenny nodded. “Ten minutes,” she conceded. “I’ll be waiting.”

Gibbs watched the Director leave, her movements both graceful and determined. She demanded his respect, but yet craved his attention. Jenny had drawn the lines between them years ago and he had not been willing to cross over them, although he had a feeling, that she had been tempted to do so once or twice. 

She would use anybody to get what she wanted; unfortunately, that was a lesson that he and Tony had learned the hard way. DiNozzo was still reeling from his breakup with Jeanne, even though he took great effort to make sure that no one knew how deeply his heart had been scarred. Gibbs believed that Tony had actually found someone he could love and who had loved him unconditionally in return, until Jenny’s personal vendetta fractured their relationship beyond repair. 

His thoughts were interrupted by Hannah as she returned with his cup of coffee. “Is everything all right, Agent Gibbs?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he answered, taking a sip of the steaming liquid. “I’m going down to the cafeteria for a few minutes; do you think that you could find Dr. Mallard and ask him to come and sit with Tony?”

“Of course. He’s just in the doctor’s lounge with Dr. Pitt. I’m glad you’re taking my suggestion and getting something to eat.”

“Uh…yeah. Thanks.”

Within a minute, both Ducky and Dr. Brad Pitt entered Tony’s room. “Thanks for coming, Duck.”

“Of course, Jethro,” Ducky replied. “We were coming to see young Anthony anyway. Dr. Pitt wants to check his lungs and make sure that everything is all right.”

He rose from his seat, coffee in hand. “I’ll be in the cafeteria talking to Director Shepherd. Call me if anything happens.”

“I will,” the ME promised. 

Nodding his thanks to the two men, Gibbs made his way towards the cafeteria. He had hoped to delay this confrontation, at least for a couple of days; but now he had to face not only losing Tony, but losing his career as well. There would no doubt be an IA investigation and his team would be removed from the case, but that was the least of his worries. His man concern was whether his senior field agent, his son, would be able to pick up the pieces of his life and put them back together again.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

“Well, my boy,” Ducky said. “You seem to be resting quite peacefully.”

The ME took the recently vacated chair as Brad listened to Tony’s lungs. “So, how do they sound?” he asked Dr. Pitt.

“Surprisingly good,” Brad admitted. “As of right now, his lungs are clear. I’m going to go take a look at his x-rays, but I didn’t hear anything that would cause me to worry right now. Of course, this is Tony we’re talking about; I’ll definitely be keeping a close eye on him until he’s up and moving around some.”

“That’s what I like to hear. A note of optimism.”

“Hey, he’s beaten the odds before,” Brad reminded him. “Who’s to say he can’t do it again?”

“We’ll just keep thinking those positive thoughts,” Ducky insisted. 

“Sounds good to me. Listen Ducky, I’ve got to go, but I’ll be back tomorrow to check on him.”

“I shall see you tomorrow then.”

“Good night, Ducky.”

“Good night.” He waved goodbye and then turned his attention back to Tony. “It’s just you and me now. You are doing fine and before you know it, you’ll be flirting with every pretty nurse in the hospital. I remember when I was in Scotland, I…” 

The ME sighed. “I’m sure you’re not interested in hearing one of my anecdotes,” he mused. “But then again, we’re not going anywhere for a while.” 

Ducky began to regale him with a story from his colorful past when Dr. Winesett entered. “I thought you had gone home,” the Scotsman said. 

“I’m on my way. I just wanted to go over Tony’s tests again and make sure that I didn’t miss anything.”

“And did you?” the elderly physician inquired.

Dr. Winesett shook his head. “Unfortunately not. Truthfully, I’m not sure how much difference there’s going to be in Tony’s ability to feel or move when the swelling goes down. The damage that had been done is severe. I’m concerned about some of the fragments eventually shifting and causing more problems, but right now, I’m hesitant to try and remove them. If he has a good night, I’m probably going to start letting him wake up tomorrow evening, so someone should be here with him.”

“I assure you that Tony won’t be alone. I can guarantee that Agent Gibbs will be by his side.”

“That’s good,” Winesett claimed. “Just make sure that Gibbs leaves his guilt outside the door. Tony doesn’t need it.”

Ducky sighed. “That my friend, will be easier said than done.”


	6. The Long Road Home

As Gibbs entered the cafeteria, he spotted Jenny sitting at a table in the far corner of the room. He had kept her waiting longer than he had intended to, but he had not wanted to leave Tony’s side until Ducky had arrived. Despite the ME’s reassurances, Gibbs had still been hesitant to leave DiNozzo’s side, knowing that when Tony finally woke up, the young man wouldn’t want the team leader anywhere near him. Once DiNozzo realized that he was paralyzed and that he was responsible, things would never be the same between them and Gibbs knew he only had himself to blame.

Making his way through the maze of tables, he was thankful that there weren’t many people in the cafeteria; Gibbs knew that this conversation that he was about to have with Jenny was not going to be an easy one and it was probably a good thing that there weren’t a lot of witnesses around. There would no doubt be an investigation and he would probably face suspension, but truthfully, none of that mattered. He would give up everything if it meant that Tony would walk again.

He pulled out a chair and sat down across from the Director. Gibbs nodded his thanks as he took a sip of the coffee now sitting in front of him.

“Thanks,” the former Marine mumbled.

“You’re welcome,” she coolly replied. ‘I wasn’t sure if it would still be warm; I was expecting you fifteen minutes ago.”

“Had to wait on Duck,” was the only explanation that he offered. “I told you I didn’t want to leave Tony alone.”

“So where did you go after Ducky relieved you?” Jenny inquired.

Gibbs clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to tell her to mind her own business. “Just needed a few minutes alone,” he finally managed to answer.

He said nothing else as he took another drink of his coffee. Even after all these years, Jenny had an annoying habit of trying to involve herself in every aspect of his life and he resented her for that. He was by nature a private man and only those he trusted completely were allowed a glimpse behind the veil of secrecy. At one time, he had considered Jenny to be among those trusted few, but that was a different lifetime. Now, his trust in her had been shattered when she had used Tony for her own personal vendetta against La Grenouille. Her actions had added to the scars that DiNozzo was now forced to bear.

“Well, Agent Gibbs,” Jenny said, her tone formal and authoritative, “do you want to start at the beginning and explain to me how Agent DiNozzo ended up getting shot?”

“Not really, Director Shepard,” he sharply retorted. “I guess I don’t have a choice.”

“No, you don’t.”

Taking a deep breath, Gibbs began to recall the events leading up to the shooting. He had to force himself to remain emotionally detached as he spoke of his obsession in finding Sarah Carpenter. The team leader admitted that his judgment had become clouded by his desire to save a young girl from her kidnappers and that the only thing on his mind was rescuing her. Gibbs explained how he learned the identities of the men and that discovery had resulted in the suspects using Sarah as a means to exact their revenge on him.

“So, instead of turning this case over to another team, you continued to work it,” Jenny clarified.

“My team was perfectly capable of handling it,” he growled.

“And that’s why Tony’s lying up in ICU; because your team was capable of handling this?” she shot back. “You just told me that your judgment was impaired and yet you didn’t see fit to turn the case over to another team.”

The team leader glared at the Director. “No,” he forcibly answered. “Would you like me to continue?”

“By all means. Why don’t you tell me what happened when you got a hit on the bolo?”

“When the bolo came in, Tony and I left to pursue the suspects.”

“And did you call for backup?”

“Tony notified McGee and Ziva.”

“Did you wait for Agent McGee and Officer David to join you?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I didn’t want the bastards to get away!” he barked.

“So you ignored protocol and ended up in a shootout that resulted in Agent DiNozzo getting severely wounded,” she deduced.

Gibbs closed his eyes against the onslaught of memories that threatened to overwhelm him. Not for the first time, did he find himself wishing for the ability to turn back time, but he knew from experience that he could not change the past.

“We got out of the car and were fired upon. We immediately began returning fire and I saw Tony go down, but he still managed to get one of the suspects. I was concentrating on the second perp and I didn’t see DiNozzo get up until it was too late. He was in my line of fire and…”

“You shot Agent DiNozzo?” she interrupted, a mixture of surprise and disbelief evident in her expression.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “The two rounds he took in the back came from my gun.”

“Jethro, do you realize what you’re saying?” 

He was struggling to contain his rage. His anger wasn’t directed at Jenny; he was angry with himself. “Believe me; I know what I’m saying. The sight of him going down is something that I’ll never be able to erase from my mind! I’m the reason that he’s lying up there in ICU, completely unaware of the fact that he’s never going to walk again!”

He wasn’t sure if Jenny was going to cry or if she was still in shock from his revelation. She had the same look on her face after Tony’s car had been blown up that day and she thought that she had been responsible for his death. “Tony’s paralyzed?” 

“Well yeah, Jen. What did you expect after taking two bullets in the back?”

The Director visibly tensed at his sarcastic manner. “There’s no need to get petulant, Agent Gibbs,” she warned.

“I’m just stating fact, Director Shepard.”

“Then answer this question for me,” Jenny insisted. “Where were your vests?”

“In the trunk.”

“What? You knew that you were going into a potentially dangerous situation and you didn’t take time to put on your vests?”

“Tony wanted to, but I didn’t want to waste any time.”

“It would have taken thirty seconds, Jethro!” she exclaimed. “Thirty seconds would have made the difference in Tony being able to walk.”

“Don’t you think I know that? All I’ve been doing since it happened is wishing that I could go back and do things differently, but I can’t!”

Frustrated, he pounded the table with his fist. “Damn it, Jen! What do you want from me?”

“I want to know why you let this obsession get so out of hand!”

Gibbs allowed a tiny grin to escape his lips. “I don’t think that you have any right to judge me, or do I need to bring up the whole Frog thing again?”

“This is different. Your actions have resulted in an injury to another agent.”

“And yours didn’t? I guess a wounded heart doesn’t count, does it?”

It was Jenny’s turn to glare at him, but he remained undeterred. She had always been good at justifying her actions, even if those actions were questionable. “I’m going to need your gun and your badge,” she stated, her no nonsense tone projecting the anger that she was clearly feeling.

“I don’t have my gun.”

“Where is it?”

“I guess Ziva and McGee took it to Abby.”

“Fine. Then I’ll just need your badge.”

Gibbs wasn’t surprised by her request; he was just amazed that it had taken her this long. Tossing his badge and ID over to her, he said, “I guess this means I’m suspended.”

Jenny nodded. “Yes. You are hereby suspended pending a full IA investigation. Your team will be taken off rotation and they will be off this case until this matter is cleared up. You and your team will cooperate fully with the investigation,” she instructed. “Am I understood?”

“Crystal clear, Director.”

He stood to leave, but his departure was prevented by the firm grasp Jenny had on his arm. “Where are you going, Jethro?”

“As if it’s any of your concern, Director, I’m going back up to sit with Tony.”

“I’m afraid that I can’t allow that.”

Gibbs snickered. “You really think that you’re going to stop me?”

“I can’t allow you to see Agent DiNozzo until the investigation is over.”

Gibbs leaned forward, his unrelenting gaze fixed on the Director. “What? You can’t be serious!”

“Unfortunately, I am. You shot a member of your own team and although I’m sure it was an accident, until the investigation is done, you can not see Tony,” she declared.

“Don’t you dare do this,” Gibbs snarled. “Tony’s...”

“I’m sure that Agent DiNozzo is in good hands; the staff here is excellent,” Jenny reminded him. “Abby, Ducky, and the others can visit him at any time.”

Furious, Gibbs pulled free of Jenny’s hold and stormed out of the cafeteria, ignoring the stares of the few onlookers who were sitting at a nearby table. Damn Jenny! He had fully expected the suspension, but he was truly caught off guard when she informed him that he couldn’t see DiNozzo. Surely she had to know that she couldn’t stop him; he would find a way to see Tony despite her orders. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Ziva, McGee, and Abby were huddled around the plasma, reviewing the results of the crime scene that the Goth had recreated. The evidence supported their findings; Gibbs had shot Tony. The trio was still stunned, knowing that although the shooting was accidental on Gibbs’ part, the ramifications of his actions were going to be felt throughout NCIS. 

“What about Sarah Carpenter’s statement?” Ziva asked McGee.

“Nothing,” he replied. “She was tied up in the back and all she heard were gunshots. The next thing she knew, Gibbs was pulling her out of the car and cutting her free. He made sure she was all right and then went back to Tony. Gibbs instructed her to call 911 and then it wasn’t too long after that we got there.”

“So, she didn’t see anything?”

“No.”

“I just can’t believe that this has happened,” Abby said as she tightly hugged Bert to her chest.

“I know what you mean,” McGee said, gently squeezing her shoulder.

“We are not going to get anything done just standing around,” Ziva pointed out. “We’ve got to find some way to…” The Mossad Officer was interrupted by her ringing cell phone. Glancing at the caller ID, she saw that it was the Director. Taking a deep breath, she answered, “Officer David.”

Her eyes remained fixed on her two companions as she listened to the orders now being issued to her by Director Shepard. She should have known that they would be taken off the case, but Ziva had hoped that it would have taken longer. “I will tell the others,” she said as she hung up the phone.

“Ziva, what’s wrong?” Abby reluctantly asked.

“That was the Director. Gibbs has been suspended and we are to turn over all our findings to the investigation team that will be arriving within the hour. As of now, we are no longer working this case.”

Ziva allowed the others to absorb information that she had just relayed to them. The immediate silence unnerved her slightly, but the stillness was quickly shattered by Abby.

“Gibbs is suspended?” the Goth cried out in disbelief. “He didn’t shoot Tony on purpose. I mean yeah, he’s been kind of distant and focused on the case, but a girl’s life was at stake. Forget the fact that he’s been kind of grouchy or that he’s been almost obsessed…” Abby paused for a second. “Forget I said that, he’s been more than almost obsessed, but he would never intentionally hurt Tony!”

“Abby, it’s SOP for a shooting. There has to be an investigation,” McGee informed her.

“No there doesn’t. There has to be some way around it.”

“Gibbs doesn’t want a cover up.”

“But…” Defeated, Abby squeezed Bert once again. “In that case, I’ve made copies everything I’ve done,” Abby announced. “I had a feeling that something like this would happen.” 

“We’ll do the same thing,” McGee stated. “You know, just in case.”

Ziva smiled at her friends. “That is a very good idea. Just because we are no longer working the case, does not mean that we are simply sitting wildly by.”

“Idly,” Tim interjected.

She glared at McGee. Usually, she didn’t mind being corrected, but it was usually Tony who took great pleasure in pointing out her grammatical mistakes. The fact that it was McGee who had made the correction made her miss DiNozzo in a way that she had not expected. She couldn’t explain her feelings for him; one minute she wanted to kill him for being so juvenile and the next minute she wanted to take him in her arms and hold him in an effort to keep his demons at bay.

“You can correct my English later, McGee,” Ziva said. “Right now, we’ve got some work to do.”

“You’re right. We better get busy.”

“You guys can use my computer,” Abby suggested. “I’ll double check and make sure that Palmer has copies of what he’s done so far.”

Ziva nodded as she sat down next to McGee and watched his fingers deftly fly over the keyboard. They now had a little less than an hour before they had to turn everything over to the IA investigators. It was hard to believe that this day had started out like any other day, but it had ended with their team leader being suspended, their senior field agent lying in the hospital, and the rest of the team being forced to sit on the sidelines while strangers decided the fate of Leroy Jethro Gibbs. 

Jenny had ordered them to cooperate and she knew that Gibbs would want them to; that was the only reason that she would ever agree to be part of an investigation that could possibly destroy the career of the man that she considered to be her mentor. Ziva couldn’t shake the feeling that things were going to get worse before they got better; but at the moment, she wasn’t sure how things could be any worse.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Ducky had just finished regaling Tony with yet another of his adventures when Hannah entered Tony’s room. The ME had been impressed by the high level of care that Tony was receiving and had complimented the young nurse several times on her compassionate manner in which she treated both the patients and their families. Tony was very fortunate to have her as his nurse and he could only imagine how pleased the young man would be when he discovered that she was also very beautiful.

“Hello again, Hannah,” he cheerfully greeted. 

“Hello, Dr. Mallard. Can I get you anything?” she offered.

“No my dear, I was just sitting here telling Tony about the time that I sailed down the Nile River; he loves that story.”

Hannah smiled as she slipped a thermometer under Tony’s arm. “Dr. Winesett decided to go ahead and start decreasing his sedation, so he should start coming around by morning,” she informed him.

“I’m sure that Jethro will be here with him.” Ducky glanced at his watch. “It’s later than I realized. I wonder where he could be.”

“I don’t know. I’m sure he’ll be along shortly.”

“You’re probably right.”

The ME was surprised when he heard Jenny Shepard’s voice outside of Tony’s room. He looked at Hannah, who merely shrugged. Ducky stood up and walked to the door to find Jenny issuing orders to another agent. 

“Jethro Gibbs is not allowed to see Agent DiNozzo until after the investigation,” she stated. “Under no circumstances are you to allow him in this room. Do I make myself clear, Agent Spencer?” 

“Yes, Director Shepard,” he answered.

“You will be relieved by Agent Coulson at 0600. If you have any problems, call me.”

“Jenny?” Ducky called out. “What’s going on?”

“I had to suspend Jethro and until the investigation is over, he can not be allowed to see Agent DiNozzo,” she hastily explained.

A lump formed in the physician’s throat. He could only begin to imagine how lived Jethro must be. “I see. Don’t you think the armed guard is over doing it a bit?”

“No, I don’t. Not where Jethro’s concerned. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Dr. Mallard, I’ve got to get back to headquarters to make sure that Ziva and McGee give their full cooperation to the investigators.”

“They will do what is required of them,” Ducky said. “Even if they don’t like it; they will do their jobs.”

“I know that, but I want to be sure that all our bases are covered.”

Ducky nodded. “Very good then,” he stated. “I’ll just go back and sit with Tony some more. He should be waking up in a few hours.”

“Keep me informed of any changes,” the Director requested. “Oh, and Ducky, do not even think of trying to sneak Jethro into Tony’s room.”

“The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind,” he lied. 

The ME went back into Tony’s room to find Hannah jotting something down on her note pad. “He’s running a low grade fever” she explained, “but it’s nothing unexpected. I’ll let Dr. Winesett know.”

“Thank you, Hannah. I know we all rest better knowing Anthony is in such good hands.”

He watched as she took one final glance at Tony’s monitor. “So, what’s going on outside?” she asked.

“It seems that Jethro is not permitted to see Anthony until the investigation into the shooting is completed. Our Director doesn’t trust Gibbs, so she’s placed a guard outside Tony’s room.”

“Does Dr. Winesett know about this?” 

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I’ll just have to mention it to him when I call him. I have a feeling that he’s not going to like this arrangement.”

Ducky grinned. “Would he like the number to Director Shepard’s direct line?” 

“I’m sure that he would.” 

He wrote down the number and handed it to her. After she left, Ducky sat back down next to Tony. “Well my boy,” he sighed, “we’ll just have to wait and see what happens. I have a feeling that Dr. Winesett is going to have a few words with our esteemed Director.”

Close to half an hour later, Hannah entered with a syringe in hand. “Dr. Winesett ordered this for his fever,” she said as she injected the medicine into his IV port.

“And the other matter?”

Hannah smiled. “Let’s just say that Dr. Winesett was not happy; he should be talking to your Director as we speak.”

“Wouldn’t you love to be a fly on a wall?” Ducky mused.

“Yes, I would.” 

“Thank you for your assistance, Hannah.”

“It was my pleasure,” she assured him. The young nurse reached into her pocket and pulled out a note. “This is for you.”

He nodded his thanks as she left. Ducky opened the note to discover that it was from Jethro. “Call me ASAP. Need to talk,” he read aloud.

The physician couldn’t use his cell phone in Tony’s room, so he was going to have to go to the waiting room to make that call. He gently squeezed the agent’s uninjured shoulder. “I’ll be back in a minute, Anthony. I’ll just be in the waiting room, so I won’t be too far away should you need anything. I have a feeling that when I come back, we’ll have worked out some way for Jethro to be here when you wake up.”

Ducky rose from his seat and slowly made his way to the waiting area, acknowledging Agent Spencer with a nod. “I’m just going to stretch my legs.”

“Very well, Dr. Mallard,” Spencer replied.

The ME slipped into the room and turned on his cell phone. It only took one ring before he heard Gibbs’ gruff voice. “It’s about time, Duck.”

“I just got your note, Jethro. I can’t use my phone in Tony’s room and…”

“How is he?” Gibbs asked, purposefully interrupting the physician.

“He’s running a slight fever, but other than that, there’s no change. Dr. Winesett went ahead and started decreasing his sedation; Tony should start waking up by morning.”

“I can’t see him, Duck.”

“I know, Jethro. Jenny made that abundantly clear when she placed the guard outside Tony’s door.”

“I figured she’d do something like that. I need to be there when he wakes up and you know it.”

“I know and hopefully if fate intervenes, you’ll be able to.”

“What do you mean?”

Ducky explained how Hannah informed Dr. Winesett about the armed guard outside Tony’s room and the doctor was going to be calling the Director.”

“What if it doesn’t do any good?” Gibbs wanted to know.

“We’ll just do what we’ve always done,” Ducky replied. 

“And that is?”

The ME grinned. “Improvise!”


	7. The Long Road Home

Gibbs had always been able to use his basement as a place of refuge from the harsh cruelties of his job, but tonight, he had not been able to find the solace that he had been so desperately seeking. The events of the previous day continually played through his mind, preventing him from having a moment’s peace. Not that he deserved it; he had shot his own agent after all. His senior agent who had tried to warn him that he was taking this case too personally; his senior agent who always seemed to stand with the team leader despite his better judgment; his senior agent who managed to fill a void in his life, becoming the son that he had never had. 

He had managed to destroy the young man’s life in one split second and now he couldn’t even see Tony to try and explain what had happened. Director Shepard had forbidden him to have any contact with Tony until the investigation was completed, but he knew that he could not wait that long. He hoped that Dr. Winesett had managed to convince Jenny to let him see DiNozzo, but truthfully, he wasn’t expecting her to agree to it. Gibbs was aware that she was not going to bend any rules, even for him; not that he expected her to, but this would have been one time he would have been tempted to resort using their past history together to get what he wanted. 

The team leader glanced at his watch. It was almost four in the morning. He had been sitting on the steps of his basement for over 3 hours, nursing the same bourbon that he had poured when he had first arrived at home. According to Ducky, Tony would be waking up soon and that knowledge only fueled the former Marine’s determination to be by his side. If he didn’t receive permission from Jenny within the next hour, he was prepared to implement the plan that he and the ME had managed to come up with during their last conversation.

As if on cue, his cell phone rang. “Gibbs,” he gruffly answered. 

“Do you want to know how I’ve spent the better part of my night, Jethro?” 

It was Jenny. Gibbs tamped down the urge to offer a sharp retort, knowing that it would only make things worse. He could hear the anger and frustration in her voice and guessed that she had been talking to Dr. Winesett; she evidently didn’t like what the physician had to say. 

“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me,” he blurted out. So much for keeping his smart ass answers to himself. 

“I’ve been on the phone with Dr. Winesett on and off for the past few hours,” she continued, nonplussed by Gibbs’ blunt reply. “Do you care to guess why I’ve been on the phone with Dr. Winesett most of the night?”

“I already know.”

“I’m sure you do. You thought that by having Tony’s doctor calling me, you could railroad me into letting you stay with him. Does that about sum it up?”

“I had nothing to do with Dr. Winesett calling you, Director. He did that on his own free will.”

“Do you expect me to believe that?”

Gibbs bristled. “Have I ever lied to you, Jen?”

“No,” she admitted. 

“Why would I start now?”

He could sense her annoyance with him, but at the moment, he didn’t care. “So, are you going to tell me what Dr. Winesett had to say or am I going to have to guess?” Gibbs impatiently inquired.

“He wasn’t pleased with the fact that I placed an armed agent outside of Tony’s room,” she informed him. 

“I can see why. If you ask me, it’s kind of overkill,” he retorted.

“You know damn well why I placed the guard there. I can’t allow you to see Agent DiNozzo until after the investigation.”

“I need to be there when he wakes up, Jen.”

“Yes, Dr. Winesett mentioned that as well. He felt that it would be in Tony’s best interest for you to be there, but I’m not so sure. You shot your own agent, Jethro. I’m sure it was an accident, but until IA takes DiNozzo’s statement, I can not…”

“Why don’t you just cut the crap, Director? I think you’re enjoying this,” the team leader growled. “I know what the rules are, but I also know that there are extenuating circumstances that allow those rules to be broken. I need to be there for DiNozzo; I need to be there to…to tell him I’m sorry. I’m not going to plant any ideas in his head, Jen; hell, you know Tony, he’ll try and make this whole thing out to be his fault. If I’m not there when he wakes up…” 

“He’s won’t be alone when he wakes up, Jethro,” she countered. “Ducky is still there and Abby volunteered to go over this morning. I’m sure they can take care of Tony.”

“I know they can, but I’ve still got to be there and I will be there, one way or another.”

“Is that a threat, Agent Gibbs?”

“No, Director Shepard; it’s a promise.”

He could envision the anger radiating from her eyes. “I don’t appreciate being bullied, Agent Gibbs. If I agree to let you see Tony, it will be on my terms; is that clear?”

“Now who’s being a bully?” he asked. “Dr. Winesett must have unloaded both barrels on you to even make you consider letting me in to see Tony. What are your conditions, Director Shepard?”

“You will be accompanied by another agent and a member of the investigative team to make sure that you don’t say anything you shouldn’t and that you don’t bring any further harm to Agent DiNozzo. You will only be able to stay with Tony…”

“What?” he exclaimed. “You actually think I’d do something to hurt Tony?” Gibbs had to resist the urge to sling his phone across the basement. How dare she even suggest something so ludicrous? 

“No, but we have to play this safe, Jethro,” she pointed out. “As I was saying, you will only be able with Tony for a little while. After that, your visits will have to be prearranged.”

“Prearranged?”

“I’m putting my own neck on the line by agreeing to this, Jethro. You can either take it or leave it.”

“I guess it’ll have to do for now,” he reluctantly conceded. Gibbs knew that at the moment, he had to agree to the stipulations set forth by the Director, but if Tony needed him, nothing or no one would keep him from his son’s side.

“Then you better get to the hospital. I’ll inform Ducky that you’re coming. Don’t make me regret this,” Jenny warned.

“You won’t.” Gibbs hung up the phone and slipped it into his pocket. Grabbing the handrail, he pulled himself up and quickly made his way up the stairs and out the front door. He supposed that he should be grateful to Jenny for bending the rules for him, but if she hadn’t, he would have resorted to other tactics and she was well aware of that fact. The team leader’s need to be by Tony’s side when the young man woke up had superseded his rational thoughts and he had been prepared to implement Ducky’s rather creative suggestion. 

He allowed a tiny smile to escape as he drove towards the hospital. “I guess I’ll just have to save that idea for another day,” he mumbled. “I have a feeling that I’ll need it.”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

He blindly groped his way through the fog that seemed to engulf him. Confusion and pain were his constant companions as he became aware of someone calling out to him. There was no mistaking who the voice belonged to; the soothing cultured tones of Dr. Donald Mallard had served as his voice of reason on more than one occasion. Tony could hear Ducky urging him to open his eyes, but he wasn’t sure if he could even manage that simple feat. 

Tony felt the Scotsman gently squeeze his hand. He wanted to obey the firm yet gentle commands that Ducky was issuing, but he was so tired. Except for the nagging pain in his shoulder, his body was numb and he wanted nothing more than to succumb to the embrace of the darkness that beckoned him back into its waiting arms. 

“Anthony?” Ducky continued to ramble. “You’re in the hospital but you’re going to be fine. I need you to open your eyes for me. Jethro will be here shortly and you don’t want him to catch you sleeping on the job.”

If he was in the hospital, then there was no doubt in his mind that Gibbs would be nearby; the team leader was always around when he was sick or hurting. The team leader was listed as Tony’s next of kin, a title that Gibbs took very seriously when it came to his well being. 

“Open your eyes for me, Tony,” the ME insisted. 

Slowly Tony opened his eyes to discover Ducky now standing over him. He blinked several times in an effort to bring the physician into focus and once Ducky’s image became clearer, he considered trying to talk. Questions were beginning to form in Tony’s mind; questions that he wanted answers to. Hopefully, if he could get his mouth to work, he could ask Ducky to explain to him what had happened this time to land him in the hospital.

“Hello, my boy,” Ducky cheerfully greeted. 

“D…Duck,” Tony rasped. 

“It’s good to see you’re finally awake. I was beginning to worry,” the doctor admitted. “I guess I shouldn’t have doubted that DiNozzo stubbornness that always seems to get you out of some of the most difficult situations.”

“Yeah.”

“Dr. Winesett has been called and he should be here soon. He’s the doctor who has been taking remarkably good care of you.”

Tony merely nodded. At the moment, it was taking a great deal effort to stay awake, much less carry on a conversation; he needed to save his strength for when Gibbs arrived. He knew that the team leader would answer his questions without him even asking. More importantly, Gibbs would be honest with him and not try to placate him with false reassurances. His gut was telling him that something was dreadfully wrong and although Ducky meant well, the ME would try and shelter him from the truth, at least until he was stronger.

“Are you in any pain?” Ducky wanted to know.

“A little,” Tony whispered. “Shoulder hurts. Rest of me…is still…numb.”

He didn’t miss the look of guilt and dread that the physician briefly wore before Ducky managed to slip his mask back into place. His instincts had been right; something was wrong. Tony’s urge to know what happened intensified as he tamped down the urge to bombard the ME with questions. He would wait for Gibbs, relieving Ducky of the great burden that the Scotsman suddenly appeared to be carrying.

“I’ll inform the nurse that you’re in pain, but she probably can’t give you anything until Dr. Winesett examines you,” the doctor pointed out.

“It’s…okay. It’s not…that bad.”

“That’s good to know. Wounds to the shoulder can be very painful. I remember one time that…”

“Duck, I don’t think he’s up for a trip down memory lane.”

Tony weakly smiled as Gibbs entered his room. Not only would he get the answers he sought, he wouldn’t have to listen to Ducky recount another story from his youth. Truthfully, most of the time he didn’t mind listening to the ME’s recollections, but right now, he wanted to know why he was in the hospital and more importantly, when he could go home.

“Jethro!” Ducky exclaimed, relief evident in his cultured voice. “I’m glad you’re here. He just woke up a few minutes ago.”

“Sorry I’m late,” Gibbs replied. 

“Don’t apologize,” Tony mumbled. “Sign of…weakness.”

“Yeah,” the team leader said. “It’s also a stupid rule.”

DiNozzo had intended to ask Gibbs what he had meant by that last statement, but his attention was diverted when he noticed two other men standing in his doorway. They obviously weren’t doctors and Tony thought that one of them looked vaguely familiar to him.

“Who are they?” he tiredly asked.

“My babysitters,” the former Marine growled. 

“What?”

“I’ll explain it later.” Gibbs glanced up at Ducky. “Can you give us a few minutes?”

“Of course, Jethro,” Ducky conceded. “I’ll go and see what’s keeping Dr. Winesett.”

“Thanks, Duck.”

Tony swallowed hard, wincing at the pain that action caused him. His throat was scratchy and sore, a sure sign that anesthesia had been used on him at some point during his stay. 

“You okay?” Gibbs asked.

“Throat’s dry.”

“I’m sure they’ll at least let you have some ice chips after the doctor looks you over.” 

“I’d rather…have…hot chocolate. Makes my throat feel better.”

“He probably won’t go for that,” Gibbs said as he sat down in the chair beside his bed. 

“So…why am I here?” Tony inquired. 

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

He cleared his throat , hoping that his voice sounded stronger that he actually felt. “Catching up…to the kidnappers.”

“Anything else?”

Tony closed his eyes as he tried to force his memories to return. He recalled getting out of the car with his weapon drawn and being fired upon. DiNozzo vaguely remembered his shoulder feeling like it was on fire and then hitting the ground. “I…was…shot?” he reluctantly asked. 

“Yeah, you took one in the shoulder and another bullet grazed your side.”

“More scars. It’s a good…thing…women love scars,” Tony quipped. “When…can…I…go home?”

“Not for a while.”

“Hate hospitals,” he slurred. “I’ll rest…better at home.”

The senior agent saw Gibbs’ jaw tightly clench as the older man looked away. It was almost as if the team leader was purposefully avoiding making eye contact with him. He had never seen the ex-Marine looking so unsure of himself, at least not since Gibbs had been seriously injured in that explosion several years ago and had lost his memory. “Gibbs?” he quietly called out. 

“Yeah?”

“Something wrong?”

“I know you well enough that I know you want the truth, so I’m not going to beat around the bush,” he said. 

“I appreciate that, Boss.”

Gibbs raked his hand through his hair, sighing in defeat. “You took two bullets to the back.” The older man’s eyes exuded a mix of sympathy, pain, and regret. “The bullets did a lot of damage to your spinal cord.”

Tony didn’t need for Gibbs to say anymore. He had first thought that the numbness he was experiencing was possibly due to the anesthesia. DiNozzo had never considered the possibility that there was another explanation as to why he couldn’t feel anything below his waist. His automatic reaction was to try and move his leg. If he could just move it a little bit, then he would have no cause to worry; there would have been no permanent damage and he would be able to walk out of this hospital. 

His brow furrowed in concentration as he silently willed his brain to tell his leg to move. Nothing. Gritting his teeth, he tried once again, determined for any part of his lower body to move; he would even settle for a twitch. Again, nothing happened. 

“Tony?” 

He looked up to see Gibbs now standing over him. “Tony, I need you to listen to me,” the ex-Marine pleaded.

“Is it…permanent?” he wanted to know.

“It’s too early to tell.”

“The truth.”

Gibbs nodded. “Yeah, it’s permanent. One of the bullets partially severed your spinal cord. You’ve still got some swelling and some bullet fragments that the doctors couldn’t chance removing just yet. We’ll know the full extent of the damage in a few days. Right now, you need to rest and give your body a chance to heal.”

Tony wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react. He had just learned that he was paralyzed and he had no idea what to do next. Was he supposed to cry? Was he supposed to be angry and throw things? Was he supposed to simply go on like nothing had happened? 

“Was it…worth it?” his voice was almost inaudible, but he knew that Gibbs had heard his question.

“What do you mean?” 

“Sarah?”

“She’s fine. Thanks to you.”

“Good.”

“Did I…” Tony chewed on his bottom lip as he struggled with his warring emotions. “Did I…screw up?”

“No, Tony. This was not your fault,” Gibbs tried to assure him. 

“Did I let…the second guy…get behind me?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” the ex-Marine forcibly repeated.

“Then what happened?” he asked, his exhaustion threatening to overwhelm him.

Gibbs gently squeezed his hand. Tony saw the team leader look over at the two men standing in the doorway as if seeking permission for something. “I can’t go into details right now,” Gibbs said. “Just remember that it wasn’t your fault.”

“What do you…mean…you can’t…go into details?”

“I just can’t. I just need you to know that I’m sorry and…” Gibbs closed his eyes as his grip on Tony’s hand tightened. “I’m sorry.”

Tony couldn’t believe this was happening. He had just learned that he was paralyzed and Gibbs was being tight lipped about how it happened. DiNozzo wondered what the older man was hiding from him. Whatever it was, it had something to do with the two strangers standing at his door. 

“Agent Gibbs, your time is up,” the taller of the two men announced. 

“Just a couple of more minutes,” Gibbs snapped. 

“What…the hell…is going on?” Tony gasped. “Tell me the truth!”

“There’s an IA investigation into the shooting and they’re afraid I’m going to influence your statement. That’s why I can’t give you anymore information; they don’t want you covering for me.”

“Covering for you? I’m the one…who screwed…up.”

“No you didn’t.”

Tony closed his eyes. He didn’t care what Gibbs said. He had to have screwed up and now he was paralyzed because of his own carelessness.

“Look at me,” Gibbs ordered. “You did nothing wrong. We’ll talk about this later. I’ve already told you too much and your doctor is not going to be happy with me.”

”Don’t leave,” Tony cried out, inwardly cursing his own weakness. “Please don’t leave me.”

“If I want to be able to see you again, I have to do what these guys say, at least for now. I’ll be back in a little later and we’ll talk some more.”

Not trusting himself to speak, Tony nodded as he watched the team leader leave with the other two men. He knew for there to be an IA investigation, that something had to have gone terribly wrong and Gibbs was covering for him. Why couldn’t he remember taking those two bullets in the back? He remembered getting shot in the shoulder and side, but after that, images became distorted and Tony didn’t know what was real and what was actually part of a bad dream. 

How he wished that this was all just a nightmare. Tony wanted to be able to wake up and walk out of the hospital but it wasn’t going to happen. He was paralyzed and he had no one but himself to blame. In one split second, his life had drastically changed and unfortunately, in life, there were no do overs.

As he lay there, he thought about what Gibbs had said. The man had insisted that it wasn’t his fault, but he still wasn’t convinced. Was Gibbs trying to take the blame for his mistake? He needed to know what happened, but Gibbs and Ducky seemed to be dancing around the subject. 

His private thoughts were interrupted by Ducky, who was being followed by another man. Tony assumed that this stranger was Dr. Winesett. 

“Agent DiNozzo? I’m Dr. Winesett.”

“I kind of figured as much.”

“Agent Gibbs told me that he told you about the shooting and the fact that you took two bullets in the back.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to look you over first and then we’ll talk some more. I don’t want to wear you out since you’ve just woke up, but I also want to be honest with you and let you know where we stand right now.”

Again, Tony nodded. He had so many questions going through his mind, but he was so tired that he couldn’t even begin to formulate a coherent verbal response. He obediently answered the physician’s questions with a nod or a shake of a head as he struggled to stay awake. He wanted to hear what Dr. Winesett had to say as much as he wanted to hear the truth about the shooting.


	8. The Long Road Home

Tony wanted nothing more than to give in to the warm embrace of slumber as it beckoned him with open arms. Perhaps if he fell asleep and woke up again, he would discover that he was merely having a bad dream. Of course, the sharp pain now radiating from his shoulder reminded him that this wasn’t a bad dream; this was fast becoming his worst nightmare.

A low groan escaped his lips as the doctor probed the tender flesh around where the bullet hole had entered his shoulder. He knew that the bullet had been removed and the damage repaired, but that knowledge did nothing to dampen the agony. Although Tony was hurting, he found himself welcoming the pain; it meant that at least the upper half of his body still worked.

“I’m sorry, Tony,” Dr. Winesett apologized, interrupting his private musings. “I just wanted to make sure there’s no inflammation or infection around the surgical site.”

“It’s okay,” he mumbled, his reply barely audible.

“Everything looks good,” the physician informed him. “It will take a while for it to mend, but I don’t think you’ll have any problems with your shoulder down the road.”

“Except when it rains.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“Gibbs’ shoulder always bothers him when it rains.”

Tony didn’t know why he had even made that comment, except for the fact that he had personally observed the team leader favoring that shoulder when it was cold or damp. Gibbs had been shot in the shoulder by Ari Haswari several years ago and was still physically suffering from the repercussions of that particular encounter. 

“My uh…Boss…was shot in the shoulder once. Still hurts him when it’s damp,” he tiredly explained.

“I see. Well…”

“But it doesn’t stop him from doing his job.”

“I’m sure it doesn’t.”

Tony watched as the doctor carefully replaced the bandage. Winesett then proceeded to examine his side where he had been grazed by the second bullet. This time, the agent could only feel a slight pressure as the physician checked the wound; there was no searing pain and that realization troubled him greatly.

“That…um…that doesn’t hurt like my shoulder does,” Tony rasped.

Dr. Winesett appeared to be ignoring him, but the silent exchange of glances between him and Ducky told him other wise. Tony had almost forgotten that the ME was still in the room with him; the Scotsman had been unusually quiet, which was completely out of character for the older man. The agent closed his eyes, struggling to keep his emotions under control; he could not permit himself to show weakness in front of anyone. He had been taught at a young age that DiNozzo’s did not admit or demonstrate vulnerability to family or strangers. It had been one of the few lessons that had followed him throughout his life.

“Tony?” Ducky gently called to him. “Try and stay awake, my boy. Just for a little while longer.”

“I’m not asleep, Ducky,” he assured the older man.

“Oh. Well, not that I could blame you if you were; you’ve had a rather grueling couple of days.”

“Guess so.”

“Can I get you anything?”

“Nope. Just waiting.”

“Waiting for what?” the ME inquired, a hint of confusion in his cultured voice. 

Tony opened his eyes and met Ducky’s worried gaze. “For someone to tell me what’s going on.”

“In due time, Anthony; in due time. First, Dr. Winesett wants to check you over and then we’ll talk.”

“Seems…like he should be…done by now.”

“Patience, Tony,” Ducky gently admonished. “I promise you that he will answer all your questions.”

The senior agent sighed. “He told me that…twenty minutes ago.”

“Your perception of time is a little off. He’s only been in here for ten minutes.”

“I’m on Gibbs time,” he quipped.

“I suppose that explains your lack of patience.”

It was just a few more seconds before Dr. Winesett addressed him. “Agent DiNozzo, you can stop talking about me like I’m not here.”

Tony glared at the doctor who had elected to ignore his earlier comment. “It’s a two way street, Doc.”

“You’re right,” the physician conceded. “I should have answered you earlier and…’

“Yeah, you should have,” he sharply retorted. 

“I won’t make that mistake again,” Winesett promised.

“In that case, we’ll just call it a misunderstanding and start fresh.”

Both Ducky and Winesett smile at him. Tony wasn’t trying to be a difficult patient, but he was going to make sure that this doctor understood that he expected complete honesty and would not settle for anything less. Another trait that he and Gibbs shared.

Gibbs. He wished that team leader had not been forced to leave. Tony had a feeling that he would be able to handle the news that he was about to receive a lot better if the former Marine would have been allowed to stay. Gibbs wouldn’t give him the chance to feel sorry for himself and right now, the young man knew that he needed that extra push to stay out of the trap of self-pity and self-loathing that he was tempted to wallow in. 

He took a deep breath and slowly blew it out. “I guess it’s the moment of truth, Doc.”

Dr. Winesett pulled up another chair and sat down. “Agent Gibbs informed you that you were shot twice in the back,” he began.

“Yeah, he did. The details of the shooting are still a little fuzzy,” he admitted. 

“I’m sure things will become clearer in a few days.”

“I hope so.”

“With the amount of trauma that your body has been subjected to, it’ll take a couple of days for your mind to make sense of what happened. Right now, I’m going to give you an idea of what we’re looking at right now.”

Tony swallowed hard, suddenly unsure if he was truly prepared to hear what Dr. Winesett had to say. He forced himself to focus on the physician’s words as he began to elaborate on his condition.

“Shrapnel from one of the bullets tore your right ureter, which is the tube connecting the kidney and the bladder. Some of the fragments were imbedded in your right kidney, but we managed to remove them and repair the damage to the ureter and the kidney. We’re going to have to monitor your kidney and bladder function for a while to make sure that everything is working lie it’s supposed to.”

The agent sighed. “Guess that constitutes the good news?”

“What do you mean?”

“The doctors on TV always deliver the good news before the bad news; I figure you’re doing the same thing.”

Dr. Winesett grinned. “You watch too much TV.”

“You have no idea,” Ducky interjected. 

“I’ve been told that…a time or two,” Tony added. “So, what’s the bad news?”

The doctor leaned forward slightly. “Keep in mind that you have a great deal of swelling around your spinal cord and so…”

“Doc, please. I need to know. Gibbs already told me…” Tony paused for a brief second, tamping down his warring emotions. “I just need to hear it from you.”

“Since you were shot at such a close range, the damage is quiet severe,” the doctor continued. “Your spinal cord has been partially severed between the T10 and T11 vertebrae.”

Gibbs had told him that much, but Tony wanted to know more. “What’s that mean?”

“Your spinal cord is divided into different sections; you were shot in the lower part of what we call the thoracic region,” Winesett stated.

“Right about here, Anthony.” Ducky stood up so Tony could see him and pointed to the coinciding area on his own back.

Tony nodded, thankful that the ME was here to translate. His thoughts were still muddled and he knew that once the fog cleared from his mind, he would have even more questions that he needed answers to.

“That’s right,” Dr. Winesett remarked. “Because of the location, your paralysis will basically be from your lower waist down. You will still have excellent control of your upper body, especially after your shoulder heals.”

“You said my spinal cord was…partially severed,” Tony recalled. “Can’t you fix it?”

“I wish it were that simple, Agent DiNozzo.”

“Yeah, so do I,” he solemnly replied. “So, this paralysis is definitely permanent?”

The saddened expression in the physician’s eyes was the only answer that he needed. Gibbs had already told him that the paralysis was permanent and although he knew the team leader wouldn’t lie to him, Tony couldn’t help but hope that Gibbs had simply misunderstood the prognosis. Who was he kidding? Gibbs didn’t misunderstand anything.

“Yes,” the doctor replied. “But like I said, there’s a lot of swelling and…”

Tony didn’t want to hear anymore. At least not right now. He needed to time to process what had happened and figure out how he was going to live his life without the use of his legs. He was a field agent and at the moment, he wasn’t exactly sure how he was supposed to do his job if he couldn’t walk. 

“Could you give me a few minutes alone, Doc?” he quietly asked..

The doctor nodded. “We’ll talk more later. I’ll be back in to check on you in a few hours. Right now, you need to rest.”

“Yeah,” was the only answer that he could bring himself to give. 

Tony closed his eyes, mentally chastising himself for being so careless. His life had been changed in a split second and he wasn’t even sure how or why it happened. He tried to compel the fog to lift from his clouded mind, but it was useless; all he had succeeded in doing was further exacerbating his headache. 

“Anthony?” Ducky gently patted his arm. “Are you all right?”

“I need to be alone, Ducky.”

“All right, but just remember that this isn’t the end of the world. Consider this to be a new adventure.”

He knew the ME meant well, but he wasn’t in the mood to be inundated with platitudes of false hope. “Ducky, please not now. Just leave me alone.”

“I’ll be right outside,” the older man stated. “If you need anything…”

“I know, Ducky. Thanks.”

Once he knew that the ME was gone, he silently willed his leg to move. His brain was issuing the order, but his body was ignoring the command. “Come on, damn it! Move!” Tony grunted. 

A fine sheen of sweat broke out on his brow as he continued to try and force his legs to move. Still there was nothing; not even a twitch. The only thing that he was rewarded with for his effort was an increased feeling of exhaustion. He really didn’t want to sleep but once again, his body was not cooperating with his demands. 

He wasn’t sure how long he simply laid there with his eyes closed before he began to drift off to sleep. Tony no longer had the hope that everything that had happened had been a dream, because he knew for certain that his reality would now involve spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Ziva paced the small waiting room outside of the Intensive Care Unit. She had wanted to see Tony, but Gibbs had been with him. Knowing how important it was for the team leader to be with DiNozzo when he woke up, she had elected to wait. It had already been a long night, so she figured that a few more minutes wouldn’t make that much of a difference. 

She and McGee had made copies of all their files before they had been taken by IA. After the IA team had left, she, McGee, and Abby had all agreed that they needed to get some rest. They knew that they would be useless to Gibbs and Tony if they were too tired to do their jobs; they needed to be sharp and focused in order to withstand the scrutiny of the IA team.

She had decided that before she went home that she would go and see Tony. Ziva knew that the doctor was allowing him to wake up and if Gibbs was not permitted to be with him, perhaps she would be able to stand in his place. Upon her arrival, she learned that the former Marine was with Tony and did not want to intrude.

Ziva had not been waiting too long when she heard the door open and Gibbs entered the small room. She watched as he headed for the coffee pot and poured himself a cup of the steaming liquid. Ziva could sense his anger as it coursed through his body; his jaw was tightly clenched and she could see the vein in his temple pulsing in time with his accelerated heart rate. 

“Gibbs?” she softly called out to him.

He whirled around, managing not to spill a drop of coffee as his eyes narrowed into his steely gaze. “What?” he snapped.

“I was just wondering how Tony was.”

“He’s just been told that he’s never going to walk again, Ziva. How do you think he’s doing?”

Ziva bristled at his sharp tone. “You are not the only one who’s worried about him. He’s my partner and my friend too,” she reminded him.

His expression softened slightly. “You’re right, Ziva. I didn’t mean to take my frustrations out on you.”

“Is that an apology?” 

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. “Closest one you’re going to get.”

“In that case, maybe you can answer my question without biting my head off.”

Her dark eyes followed the team leader as he sat down in one of the chairs. Ziva couldn’t recall a time that she had ever seen Gibbs appear to be so defeated. 

“I’m not sure he really believes that he’s paralyzed,” Gibbs stated. “I don’t know if it’s the drugs in his system or he’s just refusing to accept the facts. He thinks that this whole thing is his fault and even though I told him he didn’t screw up, I can tell that he wasn’t convinced. The doctor was going in as I was leaving; maybe Winesett will be able to get through to him.”

“Does he remember the shooting?” Ziva inquired.

“Not all of it. He thinks he did something wrong and I can’t really tell him otherwise. I kept telling him that he didn’t mess up, but he’s still blaming himself.”

“I’m sure that he will remember in time.”

“I know he will. I guess that’s what I’m afraid of. He’s going to finally remember that I’m the one who put those two bullets in his back.”

“Gibbs, it was an accident,” she attempted to reason.

He took another drink of coffee and set his cup down on the table in front of him. “I’ve got a meeting with IA at 1300. I need to get my thoughts together.”

“Everything will work out.”

“I hope so, Ziva. For Tony’s sake.”

“I was hoping that I could catch you before you left.”

She and Gibbs turned at the sound of the ME’s voice. The team leader rose from his seat and in two strides was standing face to face with Ducky. 

“What’s wrong?” Gibbs demanded to know.

“Nothing. Tony just asked for a few minutes alone,” Ducky explained. “He needed some time to mull over what Dr. Winesett told him. You know Tony.”

“Don’t leave him alone too long,” Gibbs warned. “He’ll let his thoughts run away with him.”

“I’ll go and sit with him for a while,” Ziva volunteered. 

“I would welcome the break, my dear. Not that staying with Anthony is a burden, there are just some things that I need to get done,” the ME clarified.

“I don’t mind at all.”

Ziva gathered her things and left the two men alone, quickly making her way towards Tony’s room. She nodded a silent greeting to the nurses as she walked past their work station. Peering into his room, she studied the now sleeping form of her partner. Aside from the bandaged shoulder and the assorted IV’s, Tony did not look as if he had just received a debilitating injury. 

She quietly entered and sat in the chair next to his bed. Ziva picked up his hand, careful not disturb him. “There has to an easier way to get a date with a nurse,” she teasingly whispered. 

Tony didn’t answer, but then again, she didn’t expect one. “I’m sorry this happened to you, Tony. But you have to remember that being paralyzed does not change the man you are.”

Ziva had a feeling that the road ahead was not going to be easy, especially once Tony learned the truth about what happened. There would be anger, denial, guilt, and a myriad of other emotions that they all would have to help him through, but they would be there for him. She would be there for him. He was her friend and as he had proven to her time and time again over the years, friends were always there for each other.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

“I’ll be back after I’m done talking to the investigators,” Gibbs stated as he drained the rest of his cup. 

“I assume you’ll have your escorts?” Ducky inquired.

“Yeah. I’ll play their game for a little longer.”

“I’m sorry, Jethro. I’m sorry it has to be this way.”

“It’s not your fault, Duck. I’ve only got myself to blame.”

“Blaming yourself will not help Tony,” the ME pointed out. “He really doesn’t understand the full extent of his injury yet. There will be issues that are going to arise that Tony probably hasn’t even considered.”

Gibbs raked his hand through his salt and pepper hair. Ducky was right. Tony knew that he could no longer walk, but that was just the beginning. Mundane tasks that were usually taken for granted would become difficult and time consuming.

“I know, Duck,” he finally replied.

“I don’t think you do, Jethro. There will be other physical problems that Tony will have to deal with other than his inability to walk. He’s more than likely going to have problems with his bladder and bowels, not to mention being more susceptible to infections and…”

“I get the picture!” Gibbs barked.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I just think that if we’re going to help Tony, we have to be prepared to face the same reality he’s going to face.”

“If Tony can handle it, then we will too.”

“Of course we will,” the ME encouraged.

“We’re going to get him through this,” he vowed. 

Gibbs couldn’t begin to imagine not having Tony to watch his six. Although he trusted McGee and Ziva, the faith he placed in his senior agent was unflappable. However, he had shattered DiNozzo’s trust by putting two bullets in his back and he wouldn’t blame Tony if the young man wanted to nothing more to do with him.

“Jethro…”

“I’ve got to go, Duck. I’ve got to talk to IA at 1300.”

“Don’t let them crucify you,” Ducky warned. “Tony’s going to need you.”

“I know,” he replied unconvincingly.

“Don’t crucify yourself. Tony wouldn’t want that either.”

Gibbs curtly nodded, not trusting his voice to answer the ME. He would not cover up his mistake and he didn’t expect anyone else to lie for him; his carelessness had forced Tony to pay the ultimate price and he owed it to DiNozzo to tell the truth. Gibbs got in his car and sped off towards the Navy Yard, uncertain of what his future would hold.


	9. The Long Road Home

Gibbs sat in the interrogation room, coffee in hand, waiting for the IA team to interview him. This was not his first time being interviewed by Internal Affairs, but he had never been the focus of an investigation. Glancing at his watch, he mentally calculated that he had about five minutes before his scheduled interview; five minutes until he was forced to relieve the fateful moment when had destroyed DiNozzo’s life.

Anthony DiNozzo was the closest thing that he would ever have to a son; a father wasn’t supposed to hurt his child, but he had done just that. How could he have been so careless? What was he thinking? How could he put the welfare of a stranger before that of his own son? He probably would never have the answer to those questions, but he would be plagued by those thoughts for years to come. 

The door opened and two well dressed men entered. One was in his mid fifties, his receding hair line making him appear older than his actual years. The second man was younger by a couple of decades, but Gibbs could tell by the way he carried himself that the young man thought he had something to prove. 

The older man sat down across from him. “Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs?”

“That would be me,” he replied.

“I’m Inspector Jerry Carlson and this is my associate Mark Landry. We’ve been assigned to look into the shooting of Agent Anthony DiNozzo.”

Gibbs merely nodded his understanding as he waited for Carlson to proceed. He knew what he was going to say and he was fully prepared to face the consequences. Whatever punishment was decided would be nothing compared to the guilt he would feel every time he saw Tony in a wheelchair. 

“Agent DiNozzo is currently your senior field agent,” Carlson began. “Is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“How would you rate his job performance?”

“He’s the best there is.” 

“How long have you worked together?”

Gibbs blew out a frustrated breath. “Close to seven years.”

“That’s a long time,” the inspector observed. “So, I take it you have a good working relationship.”

“Yes.”

“Do you think Agent DiNozzo would agree with you?”

“You’ll just have to ask Agent DiNozzo, won’t you?” he sharply retorted.

“I’m asking you.”

How was he supposed to answer that question? Ducky had told him more than once that he and Tony were more alike than different. They complimented each other, always seemingly knowing what the other one was thinking. But that had been before he had shot his own agent.

“Agent Gibbs, you need to answer Inspector Carlson’s question,” Landry insisted. 

He glared at the younger man; his icy stare silently informing the young investigator that he was not going to be so easily intimidated. “I would think that Agent DiNozzo would agree,” Gibbs stated. 

“If you have such a good relationship, then why is he lying in a hospital bed, Agent Gibbs?”

“Tony’s lying in a hospital bed because he was wounded apprehending two men who had kidnapped a young girl.”

“Why don’t you tell us what happened?” Carlson suggested, obviously trying to ease the tension between him and Landry.

“It’s in my report.”

“I’ve read the report and now I want you to tell me what happened.”

Gibbs clenched his jaw; his personal opinion of IA investigators slipping yet another notch. If it wasn’t for the fact that he needed to get back to the hospital, he would show them that he could play mind games with the best of them.

He began to recall in detail what happened from the time that they received a hit on the bolo up until the time Tony was wounded. He spoke of how the two suspects opened fire on them and how DiNozzo managed to take down the first one. Pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts, he wanted to get every detail right, leaving nothing to interpretation. 

“Agent Gibbs?” Landry called to him. “Please continue.”

Clenching his fist, he struggled against the urge to slug the pompous bastard leaning over him. Mark Landry was trying to play the bad cop of the infamous good cop, bad cop routine, and in his opinion, he wasn’t doing so well. It was a poor choice of tactics to use on someone as experienced as him. Ignoring the younger man, he met Carlson’s patient gaze and prepared to continue to give his statement.

“Agent DiNozzo was shot in the shoulder and grazed in the side,” the inspector clarified. 

“Yes. I saw him go down. The other suspect was firing on me and he finally ran out of ammunition. At that point, I ordered him to surrender and he refused.”

“And then what?”

“By that time, he had replaced his clip and was preparing to fire again. I raised my weapon to return fire and somehow, Tony had gotten to his feet and…stumbled into my line of fire.”

“You didn’t see Agent DiNozzo get up?”

“No.”

“Why do you think Agent DiNozzo got up?”

“I can’t say for sure.”

“Speculation, then?”

“I think he was still trying to do his job.”

“Which was?”

“To apprehend the kidnappers and save Sarah Carpenter’s life.”

“Do you think he was aware of your presence?”

“I don’t know. He was losing a lot of blood; he could have possibly been disoriented.”

Carlson wrote something down on a piece of paper and slid it over to Landry. Gibbs noticed that the young man did not look happy; a frustrated expression clouding his youthful features. Landry hastily left the room, slamming the door behind him.

“Your partner’s got a big chip on his shoulder,” Gibbs stated.

“Yep. Every once in a while, I’ve got to take him down a notch or two. I sent him for coffee.”

Gibbs laughed. “That’ll do it every time.”

“Sounds like you’ve had experience in this area.”

“A little.”

“So, now that junior’s gone, let’s get this over with.”

“Couldn’t agree more. I’ve got better things to do.”

Carlson put his pen down and leaned back in his chair. “You know, I’m quite a bit more relaxed than Mark, but I do take my job very seriously. I expect you to take this interview seriously as well.”

“Believe me, I do,” he assured the other man. “What happened shouldn’t have happened and I accept full responsibility.”

“Trying to be a martyr?” Carlson challenged.

“No, just being realistic.”

The inspector simply nodded. “After you shot Agent DiNozzo, what happened?” 

“I shot the perp and went and checked on Sarah Carpenter. After making sure that she was all right, I gave her my phone and instructed her to call 911. I then went and took care of Tony until the paramedics arrived. Officer David and McGee came along a short while later and began to process the scene and I rode to the hospital with Tony.”

“Was Agent DiNozzo your only backup? Where were Agent McGee and Officer David?”

“When we got the bolo, DiNozzo notified McGee and Ziva and told them that we were in pursuit. I knew that they wouldn’t be far behind, especially with Ziva driving.”

“Based upon the severity of Agent DiNozzo’s injury, I can only assume that he wasn’t wearing a vest. Were you?” 

Gibbs shook his head. “Neither of us was wearing one.”

“Why not?” Carlson wanted to know.

“Agent DiNozzo wanted to take the time, but I didn’t. He was following my lead.”

“And by doing so, he ended up with three bullets in him. Maybe following your lead wasn’t such a good idea.”

“You’re right. I screwed the pooch and now Tony’s paying the price. Is that what you want to here?” the team leader growled. “I wanted to find Sarah Carpenter and I was willing to do whatever it took to get her back.”

Carlson closed the file that was lying on the table. “This was a personal case for you, wasn’t it? The kidnappers wanted to get even with you, so let me ask you this, Agent Gibbs. Once you discovered the identity of the two kidnappers, why didn’t you hand this case off to another team?”

“It was my fight.”

“Your fight? Aren’t you familiar with the old adage, there is no ‘I’ in team?”

“I’m quite familiar with it. My team is the best there is; they would literally follow me into hell and they have several times. I tried not to involve them, but it didn’t work out that way,” he recalled. 

“Would you say that your desire to take matters into your own hands clouded your judgment?” Carlson pressed. 

“I don’t know.” He thought for a moment, recalling the conversation that he had Tony had just before the shooting. Tony had questioned his motives and Gibbs had become defensive, knowing deep down that DiNozzo had been right. 

“Let me ask it this way; would your team say that your judgment was affected by the personal nature of this case?”

Gibbs studied his calloused hands. These were the same hands that pulled the trigger, destroying his son’s life in a fraction of a second. He balled up his fists, sighing in frustration. “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask them,” he finally answered. 

“I will be doing just that,” Carlson assured him. “If their statements back up what you’ve told me this afternoon, then your career as an NCIS agent could be in serious trouble.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“I will be in contact with you very soon, Agent Gibbs. You’re free to go.”

Gibbs rose from his seat and headed to the door. He pulled out his cell so he could check on Tony; hopefully DiNozzo was still asleep and he could be back at the hospital before Tony woke up. “Agent Gibbs?” Carlson called out to him. 

Turning on his heels, he snapped his phone shut and impatiently waited for the inspector to catch up to him. “What is it?”

“I’m sure that you’re worried about your agent, but until we can get Agent DiNozzo’s statement, you are not permitted to see him.”

“I’m listed as his next of kin,” Gibbs angrily pointed out. “I’ve already agreed to having babysitters in the room every time I see him.”

“Not this time.”

“Why not?”

“It’s the rules.”

“I have my own set of rules, Inspector Carlson, and one of them includes not standing on the sidelines when one of my team is in trouble.” Actually, that one had been Tony’s, but he had claimed it for his own. 

“Don’t force me to get a restraining order,” Carlson warned. “We’re doing this by the book.”

“Guess I’m a slow reader. I haven’t gotten to that chapter yet.”

“Gibbs! I’m serious.”

“So am I!” he snapped. “It’s bad enough that he’s paralyzed because of me, but I will not let him go through this alone!”

“I understand that. All I’m asking you to do is to wait until we interview him. We’ll do it as soon as his doctor gives the okay.”

Gibbs began to walk away, ignoring the continued protests of the Inspector. He figured that the man was already on the phone making the necessary calls to make sure that he didn’t get in to see Tony. He didn’t care about rules; the only thing that mattered to him was making sure that DiNozzo was all right. As long as Tony needed him or wanted him around, he would be there for him, despite what anyone else had to say.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Tony opened his eyes, struggling to bring the dimly lit room into focus. He wasn’t sure what had awakened him from his slumber; it could have been a number of things. It could have been the dull ache in his shoulder or it could have been the fact that he wanted to wake up and discover that this whole ordeal had actually been a bad dream, or it could have been the fact that someone was sitting beside him snoring very loudly. He tiredly smiled as he recognized the familiar sound. Ziva.

He thought he had heard her voice earlier, but it had been difficult to discern if she had been real or a dream. She had told him that being paralyzed didn’t change who he was, but she was wrong. It would change him. Tony had always prided himself on his independence. Truthfully, he had been on his own since he was twelve, so he had learned at an early age how to take care of himself. Now, he was going to have to rely on others for help and that was something that did not come easy for him.

He supposed he could just keep telling himself that this was all a bad dream; maybe one day, he would even believe it. There was only one way to tell.

With his good hand, he placed it on his right leg. Nothing. He scratched the top of his leg and still felt nothing. The words of Gibbs and the doctor came rushing back to him as they told him about the paralysis and how it was permanent. 

“No,” Tony whispered. “It can’t be true.”

The lack of sensation only encouraged him to scratch even harder. At the moment, he didn’t even care if he drew blood; he just wanted to be able to feel something. After a few more attempts, Tony finally gave up and pulled his hand from underneath the sheet. He blew out a frustrated breath. 

“God, this can’t be happening,” he muttered.

“Tony?”

He glanced over to see Ziva rising from her chair to stand over him. “Tony? Are you all right?”

Tony attempted to muster his infamous grin for his partner. “I’m fine,” he lied. “I still see you haven’t seen anyone…about your snoring problem.” 

“I could say the same thing about you,” she playfully countered. “Now, back to my original question. Are you all right?”

Tony looked away, knowing that he couldn’t look in her eyes and lie to her again. “Shoulder hurts a little,” he admitted.

“I will tell the nurse.”

He grabbed onto her wrist, wincing as he instantly regretted the sudden move. “No. Not yet,” Tony pleaded. “It’s not that bad. I’m not ready…to go back to sleep.”

“You need your rest,” Ziva reminded him.

“Please?” He stared at Ziva with puppy dog eyes, hoping to melt that tough exterior that covered her warm heart.

“Do not look at me like that,” she warned. “It is bad enough that you are lying in a hospital bed, helpless, but looking at me like that will. Ziva stopped, realizing what she had said. “Oh God, Tony. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant…”

“It’s all right, Ziva,” Tony assured her. “I know what you meant.”

“I have never seen you as helpless and I do not believe you are helpless now.”

“Ziva, it’s okay. Slip of the tongue; happens to me…all the time. Please, just forget it.”

“Only if you say you forgive me.”

“Fine. I forgive you.”

“You do?”

“Yes.”

“Do you really?”

“Yes!” he exclaimed.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” 

She took his hand and gently squeezed it. “Everything will be all right.”

“Sure,” Tony sighed.

“It will, Tony. We are all going to help you through this,” she vowed. 

“I know.”

There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that the team would rally around him in an effort to help him adjust to his new life in a wheelchair. Ducky and Palmer would make sure that his health was carefully monitored, Abby would be his cheerleader, McGee and Ziva would be anything he needed them to be, and Gibbs would probably remodel his whole apartment making sure that everything was handicap accessible. Hopefully, the team leader wouldn’t have the urge to build a boat in his living room.

“Tony?” Ziva called to him, interrupting his thoughts.

“Huh?”

He noticed that she was now examining his fingers on his right hand. “You have some blood on your fingertips and it looks like bits of skin under your nails.”

Tony jerked his hand free. “I probably scratched myself in my sleep,” he reasoned. 

Leaning over him, she examined the areas around his bandaged shoulder and side. “I do not see any nail marks. Care to try again?”

“Not really.”

Ziva started to pull back the sheet that covered the lower half of his now useless body. “What are you doing?” he growled.

“I’ve already seen everything you have or have you forgotten?”

Tony could feel his cheeks flush slightly. How could he forget? He would never forget the softness of her skin as he held her or the passionate hunger of her kisses. They had been undercover as married assassins, but there had been times during that operation, the lust had been real, at least on his part.

He heard her gasp when she saw the scratch marks on his right leg. “Tony? Why?” she demanded to know.

He closed his eyes, a sense of shame consuming him. “I just wanted it…to be…a dream. I thought maybe Gibbs and the doc…were wrong. Should have known better. Gibbs is never… wrong.”

Ziva went over to the sink and wet a wash cloth with warm, soapy water. As she began to clean the wound, Tony found himself hoping that he could feel her touch. He was forced to tamp down a scream when he realized that he could still feel nothing. 

She then picked his hand up and washed the dried blood off his fingers. “I don’t think it needs a bandage,” she announced. 

Tony nodded. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Do you need anything else?”

“I’d like to sit up a little. I’ve never liked lying on my back, unless I’m…well you know,”

Ziva smiled as she covered him back up and tucked him in. “I’ll ask the nurse. They don’t want you moving around too much.”

“Well, tell them that if I don’t get a different view soon, that I’m leaving a complaint with the manager,” he teased.

“I’m glad you haven’t lost your sense of humor.”

“Yeah, well.” He couldn’t afford to lose his humor; he was going to need it to get through the challenges that lay ahead. “Um, listen…you’re not going to tell Gibbs about me scratching my leg, are you?” he nervously asked.

“I…”

“Sorry,” he apologized. “I shouldn’t put you in that position.” 

“Tony…”

“So, where is Gibbs?” 

“He is being interviewed by Internal Affairs.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sure he’ll be here as soon as he can,” she promised. “Nothing will keep him from your side.”

“I just hope he doesn’t have to pay from my screw up,” Tony mused.

“You did not screw up, Tony.”

“You know, Ziva,” he said. “I think I’m ready for that pain medicine now. Do you mind getting the nurse?”

Ziva nodded. “All right. I’ll be right back.”

Tony watched Ziva leave the room. No matter what anyone said, he knew he had messed up; he should have done something to stop Gibbs from heading down that familiar path of self destruction. Tony had followed him on this very same path several times and he should have drawn the line this last time. If he had, maybe he wouldn’t be lying in the hospital, wondering how the hell he was going to weather this latest storm.


	10. The Long Road Home

Ziva glanced back over her shoulder, studying her partner as he feigned sleep. Tony had asked her to tell the nurse that he needed some pain medicine, but she knew his request was partially a ploy to get rid of her so he could have a few minutes of solitude. She could easily sense his inner turmoil, knowing that he was trying to handle everything that had happened in typical DiNozzo fashion, but his underlying pain was crying out for relief. It was the way that he had sought that relief that was bothering her. After she had discovered that Tony had purposefully hurt himself because he so desperately wanted to feel something, her own feeling of helplessness had almost consumed her.

Her desire to help Tony was overwhelming. She knew she had to something, but for the first time in her life, she wasn’t sure what to do and she hated that feeling of indecisiveness. Ziva blew out a pent up breath and walked past the guard that had been posted outside of Tony’s room as she headed towards the nurse’s station. She knew that Dr. Winesett did not approve of the guard and hoped that it was only a matter of time until the doctor rectified the situation. Once Tony was fully cognizant of everything that had happened, the knowledge that he was being guarded would only add to his stress.

She leaned on the counter top, patiently waiting for the nurse to finish conversing with a doctor so she could request Tony’s pain medication. A familiar presence quietly appeared beside her. Easily recognizing the scent of sawdust and coffee, she greeted the team leader in a hushed tone. “Gibbs.”

“How’s Tony?” he asked, handing her a cup of coffee.

Ziva wasn’t surprised that the first words out of his mouth were concern for the senior field agent. Even before she became an official member of the team, she had noticed a special connection between Gibbs and DiNozzo. She wasn’t sure if the bond that they shared was that of mentor and apprentice, siblings, or father and son; although she did lean towards the latter. The one thing that was clearly obvious was the fact that Tony and Gibbs had each other’s back.

“His uh…shoulder is hurting him,” she replied. “He asked me to see if he could have something for pain.”

“DiNozzo asked for a pain killer?”

“Yes. I’m sure his shoulder is causing him some discomfort, but personally I think that he wanted to be alone.”

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. “Sounds about right.”

She nodded in agreement, taking a drink of her own coffee. There was no doubt that Gibbs was an expert in DiNozzo avoidance techniques and she was on the fast track to becoming one as well. Both of them knew that Tony was using the time alone to put the mask that he constantly wore back in place so no one could see his true pain. 

“He wants us to believe that he is fine, but he obviously is not,” she stated.

“No, he’s not,” the team leader agreed. 

“Being in a wheelchair is going to be difficult for him to accept and it will be even harder on him if he does not let his friends help him.”

“It’s always been hard for Tony to ask for help.”

“But why?”

Gibbs merely shrugged as he continued to stare straight ahead. Ziva silently chastised herself. She should have known that Gibbs was not going to reveal any of Tony’s secrets. There was a part of DiNozzo’s life that he managed to keep behind a veil and Gibbs had been the only one that had ever been allowed to catch a glimpse of the real Anthony DiNozzo. 

Knowing that she wouldn’t get an answer, she decided to broach another subject. “So, how did your interview go with Internal Affairs?”

“About like I figured it would.”

“What do you mean? Do you think they will rule it as an accidental shooting?”

“I don’t know, Ziva.”

“What did you tell them?”

“I can’t discuss it.”

“I received a message on my cell phone that my interview is tomorrow morning at 9. I’m certainly not looking forward to it.”

“Just tell the truth.”

Ziva stared at the former Marine. “And what is the truth, Gibbs? I know that you would never intentionally hurt Tony, but could all this have been avoided?”

“You worked the crime scene; you know what Abby found when she processed the evidence. What do you think?”

Ziva thought for a moment. She wasn’t sure how to answer that question or even if she wanted to. There was no doubt that Gibbs had been very focused on this case to the point that she had questioned his judgment, but she had not confronted him as Tony had dared to; maybe if she had, none of this would have happened. 

“I don’t know,” she finally admitted. “Maybe if things had been handled differently, then…”

“Tony would still be able to walk,” he finished. 

“That is not what I meant.”

“I know,” he conceded. “But it’s true.”

The Mossad officer knew that Gibbs’ guilt ran deep, but until now, she had no idea how bottomless the pit of his despair actually was. Now it was clear to her that this was a father agonizing over what had happened to his son. “Gibbs, I…”

“Just tell the truth, Ziva,” he repeated. “That’s all you can do.”

Their conversation was interrupted as the nurse approached them and asked them if they needed anything. As Ziva informed her of Tony’s request for more pain medication, she managed to keep a watchful eye on the team leader. Satisfied that her partner’s needs were being met, she turned her undivided attention back to Gibbs.

“Have you been granted permission to see Tony?” she inquired.

“Not technically. The IA investigator wants me to stay clear, but I can’t do it. I know DiNozzo and he’s lying in that room, thinking that he somehow screwed up and I can’t let him continue to do that. He’s got to know the truth.”

“So, you’re going to tell him that you shot him?” Ziva wasn’t sure that telling Tony the truth right now was a good idea. The senior agent was having enough trouble accepting the fact that he could no longer walk without finding out that he was shot by the one man who meant the world to him. 

“Yeah,” Gibbs sighed in frustration. “I have to.”

“Perhaps you should wait,” she suggested. 

“I’ve known Tony a long time and I know how he thinks. What happened is not his fault and until he knows the truth, he’ll continue to bear a burden that isn’t his.”

Although the former Marine had a valid point, Ziva still was uncomfortable with the timing of everything. “How do you plan on getting in to see him? You do not have your escorts,” she pointed out.

“I lost them about an hour ago.”

“How are you going to get past the guard?”

Gibbs looked at the guard standing outside of Tony’s door. “It won’t be a problem.”

“What are you going to do?” 

“Go on home and get some rest,” Gibbs instructed. “You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

“You did not answer my question.”

“No, I didn’t. Good night, Ziva.”

She watched Gibbs as he walked away from her and towards the guard. Ziva was prepared for a confrontation, but the agent who was guarding Tony’s room merely nodded at the team leader as he entered DiNozzo’s room. She stood firmly planted in place, uncertain of what had just happened. The agent was young and most of the younger men and women were easily intimidated by Gibbs, but the team leader had not even graced the guard with his infamous glare. 

Ziva walked towards the guard, who was now smiling at her. “Um, excuse me,” she said. “Can I ask you something Agent…”

“Watts. Danny Watts,” he introduced himself.

“Agent Watts, I was wondering why you allowed Agent Gibbs into Tony’s room. I’m sure that you were given strict orders not to, so why are you disobeying a direct order?” 

“Agent Gibbs and my father served together in Kuwait and he saved my father’s life. He brought my father home alive and I swore that if there was some way I could repay him that I would,” he began to explain. “I’ve been working as an agent for a year or so and when I ended up pulling guard duty for one of Agent Gibbs’ team, I figured something was going on. My supervisor explained the situation, but I knew that there had to be an explanation. I uh…let Agent Gibbs know when I would be on duty.”

“You could get in a lot of trouble for doing this,” she pointed out.

“I’m not going to tell, are you?”

“No, but what if someone figures it out?”

“Agent Gibbs said he would handle it.”

Ziva nodded. “All right. Well, good night then.” 

“Good night.”

Ziva stepped just inside the door and grabbed her bag. Gibbs was standing at the foot of Tony’s bed, staring at the young man, who was now lightly dozing. Two lives utterly destroyed in one split second; was there anyway that they would be able to rebuild the trust that was about to be shattered? 

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she made her way down the hall towards the elevator. Tomorrow she would be questioned about Tony’s shooting and she would be expected to answer truthfully. Depending on the questions that were asked and the answers that she would be forced to provide, she could possibly end the career of the team leader. She was suddenly grateful that she was going to be able to go home; she had to prepare for tomorrow. Ziva had been trained to withstand interrogations under the direst of circumstances; perhaps it was time to call upon some of her former training.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

His senses were immediately on edge; he was definitely being watched. Although Tony had finally managed to drift off for a few minutes, he was instantly awakened upon the realization that he wasn’t alone. He had to blink several times to bring the image hovering at the foot of his bed into focus. Gibbs. Tony allowed a small grin to escape his lips; he should have known that the team leader would find some way to see him.

“Where’s your baby sitters?” he slurred, feeling the effects of the pain medicine that the nurse had given him just a few minutes earlier.

“Ditched them in Georgetown,” Gibbs replied.

“Took the long way back, huh?’

“Yep.”

“What about the guard?”

“Pays to have connections.”

“Jenny?” Tony teased.

“Hardly,” the team leader huffed. “Believe it or not, there are still some people that want to do the right thing.”

“Be sure to thank him for me.”

“I will,” Gibbs promised.

Tony couldn’t shake the feeling that something was definitely bothering the team leader. There was an uncertainty in the eyes of the former Marine that completely unnerved him. He had worked with Gibbs long enough that he knew the older man’s moods all too well and it was clearly obvious that his mentor was upset. Tony couldn’t help but wonder if Gibbs was here to tell him that he had been fired. 

“So, what’s up, Boss?” Tony asked, his need to know the truth outweighing the apprehension that he was experiencing. 

“Sometimes you’re too perceptive, DiNozzo,” Gibbs grunted as he took the seat that recently been occupied by Ziva. 

“I learned from the best.”

Gibbs was silent. Tony had always been uneasy with complete stillness, usually shattering the quietness of any moment with some off-handed comment or movie reference. 

“No,” Gibbs softly disagreed. “You’ve always had that ability. The first time we met, it took you all of two seconds to figure out what the second ‘b’ stood for.”

“It wasn’t that hard,” Tony quipped. 

“I guess not.”

Tony found the control that operated his bed and pressed the button that would raise the head of his bed a little more. He felt his shoulder pull a little, but thanks to the medication he had received, the pain was tolerable. He met the team leader’s concerned gaze. “You’ve never beat around the bush before, so why start now?” 

“I guess because I know you’re not going to like what I have to say.”

Tony sighed. “I’m being fired, aren’t I?”

“No!” Gibbs sharply exclaimed. “Why would you even think that?”

“You know why! I messed up!”

The team leader shook his head. “No, Tony. You did not screw up!”

“I can’t remember what happened and no one will tell me, so what else am I supposed to believe?”

Gibbs leaned forward and cupped his face in his hands. “Look at me, Tony. Have I ever lied to you before?” 

“No.”

“Why would I start now?”

“I don’t know.”

“What happened was my fault,” Gibbs insisted. 

“How can it be your fault?”

He watched the team leader as he leaned back in his chair. Tony wanted an explanation; he wanted to know what happened and more importantly he wanted to know why Gibbs was blaming himself. He watched as the former Marine seemingly struggled to form the words he wanted to say. Gibbs was not one to mince words and his reluctance to do so now only furthered Tony’s anxiety. 

“I should have listened to you, Tony,” the older man finally managed to say. “If I had, you wouldn’t be lying here in this bed.”

“Gibbs, I…”

“Let me finish,” he pleaded. 

He nodded as he met Gibbs’ saddened gaze with his own curious stare. “All right.”

“If I had let you put on your vest…”

“Gibbs, don’t even go there. I…”

“I said, let me finish!” 

Tony flinched at the harshness of Gibbs’ voice. That sharpness was usually reserved for the field and not when he was lying in a hospital bed. 

“If I had let you put on your vest, you would have been protected from serious injury.” Gibbs swallowed hard. “The bullets you took in the back were…from my gun.”

That was not what Tony had expected to hear. The last thing that he clearly remembered was being shot in the shoulder while still managing to take the other man down. He could barely recall anything after that until he woke up in the hospital and had been informed that he was never going to walk again. 

Now it was Tony’s turn to be rendered speechless. “What?” he finally managed to ask, disbelief and uncertainty evident in his voice. 

“I thought you were down,” Gibbs continued to explain. “I didn’t see you get up and you took two of my bullets in your back. I’m sorry, Tony. I’m…sorry.”

Tony laid his head back against the pillow. “It’s okay.” He had no idea why he had said that. It wasn’t okay. In fact, it sucked. 

Apparently, Gibbs was also confused by his reaction. “Tony, it’s not okay.”

“It was an accident, Gibbs.” 

“It doesn’t change the fact that it happened.” 

“No, it doesn’t. There’s just no use in crying over spilled milk.”

Gibbs lowered the side rail and sat on the edge of mattress. “Tony, I just told you that I shot you in the back. My bullets are the reason that you’re paralyzed and you’re acting like I made you miss a Magnum marathon.”

“Things happen for a reason, Gibbs.”

“This happened because I was too careless and too pig headed to…”

Tony clenched his jaw, desperately fighting the urge to scream. “What do you want me to say, Gibbs? Do you want me to say that I blame you? Do you want me to be angry with you? What do you want from me?”

Gibbs looked away, sighing in defeat. “I don’t know, Tony. I guess I want your forgiveness.”

“You’re forgiven,” he blurted out, uncertain if he truly meant those words he had managed to utter.

“Tony, I…”

“Gibbs, I’m kind of getting sleepy. Can we talk about this later?”

“All right, but we will talk about this. I’ve also told IA what happened and I’ll take full responsibility for…”

“You don’t have to be a martyr. That’s not going to change anything.”

“I wasn’t trying to be a martyr,” Gibbs reasoned. “I just want you to know that when the IA team gets around to interviewing you, you make sure that they know that none of what happened was your fault. You were in the right.”

Tony closed his eyes. A mixture of anger and exhaustion was consuming him. There was no doubt in his mind that the shooting was an accident, but that didn’t change the fact that he had been the one to suffer the consequences of an obsession gone wrong. He was going to have to find a way to deal with this; Gibbs would never purposefully hurt him and he knew that, but it didn’t change the fact that he was still paralyzed because the man that was like a father to him had shot him and changed his life forever.


	11. The Long Road Home

Gibbs sat back down in the chair beside Tony’s bed, waiting for the senior agent to do or say something that would be an indication of how DiNozzo was really dealing with the team leader’s revelation. Admitting that the bullets that had changed Tony’s life forever had come from his gun had been one of the most difficult things that he had ever done, but the younger man deserved to hear the truth and the team leader knew that he had to be the one to tell him what had happened. Tony’s reaction to the news had been unexpected. Aside from one tiny outburst, DiNozzo had been calm and accepting of the fact that the former Marine had shot him. 

He knew that Tony had a habit of hiding behind a mask, a testament to the man’s unusual upbringing. The dark-haired agent didn’t speak often of his childhood and when he did, he usually followed it by some kind of off beat joke. The team leader had learned to read in between the lines and had figured out that displays of emotion had been frowned upon in the DiNozzo household. When it came to dealing with personal feelings, Tony was a very private person and preferred to handle things in his own way, but Gibbs was determined not to let him face his future alone.

Leaning back in the chair, he watched as Tony’s breathing finally evened out, signifying that he was no longer trying to feign sleep, but had actually drifted off. Gibbs knew that DiNozzo was probably hoping that if he appeared to be asleep, then he would leave; but, Tony should have known that he would stay as long as he could. He glanced at his watched and mentally calculated how many hours he had before he would have to leave. There was so much more that needed to be said and Gibbs didn’t know when he would have another opportunity to talk to his senior agent. Unfortunately, Agent Watts couldn’t be on protection detail 24 hours a day so he could go and come as he pleased.

He decided that he would let Tony sleep a little longer, while he kept a silent vigil. Maybe by the time DiNozzo woke up, he would figure out exactly what he wanted to say to the young man; but at the moment, all he could come up with were a lot of meaningless platitudes. 

“Agent Gibbs?”

The team leader looked up as Dr. Winesett entered the room. He rose from his seat and nodded a muted greeting to the physician. “Dr. Winesett.”

“You can call me Bill,” the doctor insisted. 

“Jethro.”

Gibbs genuinely liked this man; any one who had the balls to stand up to Jenny Shepard deserved his respect. So far, he and Tony had been the only ones to challenge her and now, he could add the good doctor to their distinguished club.

“I see he’s sleeping,” Bill observed.

“Yeah. He has been for a few minutes,” Gibbs informed him.

“I’m sure he was glad to see you.”

Gibbs shook his head. “I doubt it. Not after I told him that I was the one who shot him in the back.”

The doctor glanced up from studying Tony’s chart. “I guess that explains why Director Shepard didn’t want you around Agent DiNozzo,” Winesett mused.

“You mean that she didn’t give you a reason why I couldn’t see him?” he asked.

“All she said was that it had to do with an Internal Affairs investigation that you would both be involved in; I had no idea that it was your bullets that…”

“Caused him to be paralyzed?” the team leader finished. He sat back down in the chair, his gaze finally coming to rest on Tony’s still form. “Now you know and so does Tony.”

“You told him?”

“I had to. I didn’t want him to find out from the Internal Affairs guys or pick it up from idle gossip.”

“How did he take it?”

“He hasn’t said too much.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“I don’t know yet. He kind of shut down on me and went to sleep,” Gibbs stated. “I don’t know what’s going to happen or what he’s going to say when he wakes up.”

“I’m sure that given time, Agent DiNozzo will come to terms with what happened. You just have to be willing to give him that time,” the physician pointed out. 

“I’ll give him all the time in the world if that’s what he needs.”

“He’ll need more than time. He’s going to need a lot of support, not just from you, but from all his friends.”

“We plan on being there for him every step of the way.”

Winesett closed Tony’s chart and then checked the monitor to make sure that his vitals were stable. Gibbs had always excelled at reading people and right now, it was obvious that the doctor had something that he wanted to say. “Something on your mind, Bill?” 

“Jethro, would you care to join me for a cup of coffee?”

“As long as it doesn’t take too long,” he conditionally agreed. “I want to be here in case he wakes up again.”

“I’ll try not to keep you too long.”

Gibbs followed Dr. Winesett out of Tony’s room, pausing at the door long enough to spare a fleeting glance at the injured agent. “Hang in there, Tony,” the team leader encouragingly whispered.

He continued to follow the doctor, nodding to Agent Watts as they headed towards the lounge. Gibbs was definitely going to have to call Danny Watts’ father and let his old friend know what a fine young man his son had turned out to be. The young agent was taking a huge risk helping him and Leroy Jethro Gibbs would always be in his debt.

Following Dr. Winesett into the lounge, he took a seat as the other man closed the door and poured two cups of coffee. Gibbs took the offered cup and took a sip. He grimaced as he swallowed the bitter liquid. “Not my usual blend,” he muttered.

“I never said it would a good cup of coffee,” the physician quipped.

The team leader tiredly grinned. “No, you didn’t. You could have a least warned me.”

“Where would the fun be in that?”

“Remind me to treat you to a real cup of coffee sometime,” Gibbs offered. “One taste and you’ll never be able to go back to this swill.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Gibbs set his cup down on the table and pushed it away from him. “So, what did you want to talk about?” he asked. He didn’t want to be away from Tony’s side any longer than necessary.

Sitting down across from him, the doctor folded his hands on the table, taking a minute to gather his thoughts. “I want to talk to you about Tony,” he began.

“I’m listening.”

“I wish that you would have waited to tell Agent DiNozzo the truth about the shooting.”

“And why is that?”

“He’s just learned that he’s going to be paralyzed for the rest of his life; don’t you think it was a little too soon to deliver another blow?”

“Maybe,” Gibbs conceded. “But I know Tony well enough to know that he expects the whole truth and if I didn’t come clean, DiNozzo would blame himself. I couldn’t let him do that.”

He wasn’t sure if Winesett understood his reasoning, but it didn’t matter; the team leader was not going to permit Tony to carry a burden that wasn’t rightfully his. 

“I understand that and I respect that; I’m just speaking from a doctor’s point of view.”

“I know and I appreciate the fact that you’re doing what you think is best for Tony, but so am I. I’ve known DiNozzo a long time and we’ve been through a lot together. Did you know that he had the plague once?”

Bill nodded. “I’ve read his history. Agent DiNozzo seems like a fighter.”

“He is.”

“That’s good to know because he’s going to have one hell of a fight in front of him.”

Gibbs could remember Ducky say something similar but at the time, he had other things on his mind including his IA interview. “I know that and so does he.”

“Do you?”

His eyes narrowed into an inquisitive stare. “What do you mean?”

“Agent DiNozzo is going to have to learn a whole new way of living. Simple tasks that we take forgranted are going to present a challenge for him. With paraplegia, comes the loss of bladder and bowel control; Tony will have to literally train his bladder and bowels when to go. He’ll be more susceptible to kidney and bladder infections, pressure sores, and because of the damage done to his lungs, he’ll be a likely candidate to develop upper respiratory infections. 

“He’s going to have to learn to dress himself and do things for himself that he used to be able to do without thinking. Although he can’t use his legs, he’s going to have to still work the muscles to prevent atrophy; that will certainly help prevent other problems blood clots and the sores I mentioned earlier.”

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose. He could imagine Tony’s reaction when he learned that he was going to have to learn how to take a piss again, among other things. Ducky had tried to warn him, but somehow hearing this from DiNozzo’s doctor made it seem so real, so final. “So, how’s he going to learn to do all of this?”

“If he remains stable for the next 36-48 hours, I want to send him to the National Rehabilitation Hospital here in D.C.; I think that being there will help him immensely. The sooner he starts rehab, the better off he’ll be.”

“I’ve heard of this place.”

“It’s one of the best.”

“How long will he have to stay there?” Gibbs wanted to know.

“As an inpatient, probably around three weeks,” Bill answered. “Then depending on his progress, he’ll move to a day program, and then finally to outpatient. They’ll help him with everything from the personal issues we discussed earlier to learning how to drive. He’ll come away from there with as much independence as he had before the shooting; Agent DiNozzo will just learn a new way of doing things. I’ve got a packet in my office for Tony that will go into more detail about the services they offer. I thought maybe you would want to read it and then discuss it with him.”

Gibbs sighed. The doctor had given him a lot to mull over. “Thanks, Doc,” he finally managed to say. “For everything.”

“You’re welcome.” The doctor rose from his seat. “By the way, I’m still working on getting those restrictions lifted. Your Director is a difficult woman.”

“You have no idea.”

“Take care, Jethro. If I can do anything, please don’t hesitate to have me paged.” 

Standing up, he shook the physician’s hand, quietly nodding his thanks once again. Winesett left him in the lounge alone, the sound of water dripping from the faucet resonating throughout the tiny room as Bill’s words were echoing through his mind. There was so much that Tony was going to have to face and knowing DiNozzo, he would hide behind that damned mask, trying to convince everyone including himself that he could handle whatever crappy hand that life had dealt him. Gibbs knew that some tough love would be in order, but he wasn’t sure if he could overcome his own guilt to make sure that Tony got the help that he needed to live his life to the fullest once again. 

As he made his way down towards Tony’s room, he saw that Agent Watts was no longer outside DiNozzo’s door. The team leader could hear voices coming from inside the room indicating that Tony was awake and the two young agents were talking. DiNozzo’s ability to strike up a conversation with anyone was one of those characteristics that had served him well throughout his life and had also lured many unsuspecting criminals into making a confession. 

Gibbs started to enter the room when a familiar voice called out to him. Turning at the sound of his name, he watched as Director Jenny Shepard came storming over towards him. Hands on her hips, she icily stared at him, making him wonder what happened to the woman he had loved. The slight tremor in her voice spoke volumes of the anger she was managing to keep bottled up inside. Unfortunately, that anger came spewing out when she asked, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

When Tony woke up, he quickly discovered that he was alone. He found himself cherishing the few moments of tranquility, welcoming the brief respite from the constant vigils that his friends seemed determined to subject him to. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that his friends meant well, but it was hard to see the pity in their eyes as they awkwardly searched for the right words to say. He wanted them to believe that he was going to be fine and that he was going to overcome this latest obstacle in his life and walk again; the only problem was that he was having a hard time convincing himself of the fact. 

He glanced down at his legs that were covered by a sheet and a heavy blanket. They were just lying there, unmoving and useless appendages that no longer served a purpose. There would be no more long runs in the park, no more football games in the snow with his frat buddies, no more boxing with Gibbs in the ring. He would longer be chasing dirtbags, kicking in doors, or running out to get coffee. All that had changed because of two misplaced bullets. 

Despite Gibbs’ admission that he had been the one to put the two bullets in his back, Tony knew in his heart that it had been an accident, but his mind was having a hard time accepting that Gibbs had been the one who had pulled the trigger. He had tried to hide his anger from the team leader, even going as far as telling the man that he was forgiven, hoping that the former Marine couldn’t see through the mask that Tony had been forced to hide behind. 

A lesson that he had learned from his father was to never allow people see your true feelings because your emotions can be used against you. Tony had become an expert at a young age at hiding behind his sense of humor and quick wit, easily deflecting those who tried to get to close. Very few people got a glimpse of the real Anthony DiNozzo; Jethro Gibbs had been one of those people. But now, until Tony got everything sorted out in his head, the team leader would only be allowed to see what he wanted him to see. 

With his good arm, he reached for the water sitting on the table beside him. He managed to grasp the cup, but his hold was tenuous and both the cup and the water ended up on the floor. Tony’s first instinct was to get up and clean up the mess before anybody came and saw what had happened. He tried to sit up until a searing pain shot up his back. With a choked sob, he cried out, “Son of a bitch!”

“Are you all right?”

Tony forced his breathing to regulate as he glanced at the stranger standing in his doorway. After a few minutes, he nodded as he collapsed back onto the mattress. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks,” he gasped. “Who are you?”

“Agent Danny Watts,” the young man replied. “I was just standing outside your door and I heard you um…Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yeah. I was just getting a drink of water and I dropped the cup.”

“I’ll get you a new one and some fresh water,” Watts volunteered. The agent retrieved a towel and quickly cleaned up the water off the floor. 

Tony’s jaw clenched as he saw how easily the other man had taken care of the mess. He couldn’t even sit all the way up, much less get in the floor and swab up a little bit of water. 

“Is there anything else you need?” Danny pleasantly inquired. 

“No, I’m good. Thanks.” 

“You acted like you were hurting earlier; are you sure I can’t get the nurse?”

“I said I was fine.” Tony blew out a frustrated breath. “So, why are you outside my door?”

“Because I was told to stay there.”

“By whom?”

“Director Shepard.”

Tony shook his head. “Say no more.” Now that Gibbs had told him about the shooting, he understood completely why the team leader had to have escorts and he had an armed guard outside his door. “Guess she doesn’t want us comparing stories?”

“Sir?”

“Don’t call me sir. I work for a living; or at least I used to,” he mumbled.

“Yes Sir. I mean, I understand, Agent DiNozzo,” Danny stammered.

The senior agent weakly smiled. “You remind me of our Probie.”

“Really? How long has he been on Agent Gibbs’ team?”

“About 4 years.”

“And you still call him Probie?”

“He insists on it,” Tony lied. “Keeps him humble.”

“How long have you been with Agent Gibbs?” 

“Almost 7 years,” Tony answered automatically. “Why all the questions? The scuttlebutt already started?”

Tony didn’t miss the confused expression that now outlined the agent’s youthful features. “Scuttlebutt?” 

“About who’s going to take my place on Gibbs’ team?”

“Uh, not that I know of,” the younger man nervously stated. “As far as I know, there’s not a vacancy.”

“Give it time.”

“I’m not sure what you mean, Agent DiNozzo.”

“Nothing. Just forget I said anything. Pain medication makes me kind of loopy; I tend to talk out of my head a lot,” he explained, hoping that the other man would not try and push for answers that he was not going to give. 

“That’s all right,” Danny assured him. “So, have you got any advice for a new agent?”

Tony thought for a moment. Normally, he would have filled the young agent’s head with typical probie horror tales, but he found himself unable to muster any of his usual fervor for story telling and exaggeration. “Just make sure that you find someone who’ll watch your six,” were the only words that he could think to utter.

“Like Agent Gibbs watches yours?”

The kid obvious had a serious case of hero worship for the ex-Marine. Hell, he did too, or at least he used to. To him, Gibbs was no longer the superhero with supernatural powers that no one dared to challenge. That had changed, long before the shooting that had led to his paralysis. Maybe it had been after Kate had died or after Gibbs had taken his hiatus and spent four months in Mexico, but somewhere a long the way, the superhero had become human and humans made mistakes. Unfortunately being human also made you vulnerable and that’s exactly how Tony felt at the moment; all of his insecurities were trying to rear their ugly heads and he was powerless to stop them. 

How was he supposed to answer Agent Watts? Gibbs had always had his back; had that changed with the shooting? The team leader was like a father to him; but what kind of father puts the need of a stranger over the welfare of his own team? Was he blaming Gibbs? Was he blaming the Carpenters? The blame was supposed to lie with the kidnappers, and that’s were he was going to have make sure that it stayed. 

“Agent DiNozzo?” Danny called out to him. 

Shaken from his reverie, he said, “Call me Tony.”

“All right, Tony,” Watts conceded. “So, you said to find someone who’ll watch my back.”

“Yeah. You’ll live longer that way.”

“You’re lucky to have Agent Gibbs to do that for you.”

“I guess so.”

“I mean he’s the best agent around and it’s got to be…”

Uncomfortable with the turn that the conversation was taking, Tony cleared his throat and inquired about his drink. “Danny, how about that water?”

“Oh, right. I’m sorry. I’ll be right back.”

He breathed a sigh of relief when the junior agent left. There was a slight commotion outside his door and he could hear the voices of Gibbs, the Director, and Agent Watts, who voice seemed to go up two octaves. It sounded like all hell was about to break loose outside his door and he wanted no part of it. 

Tony had other things on his mind. He had to figure out how he was going to handle this situation and how he was going to face life in a wheelchair. Tony usually didn’t feel sorry for himself; he had learned throughout his life that self pity was a waste of time, but right now, he wasn’t sure if it was pity or self loathing that he was experiencing. Whatever it was, it was starting to eat at him like a cancer and Tony wasn’t sure how to stop it.


	12. The Long Road Home

The last person that Leroy Jethro Gibbs wanted to see was Director Jenny Shepard. Of course, judging by the angered expression she was now wearing, she wasn’t happy to see him either. Her green eyes were hard and cold; temporarily void of any hint that they had once been lovers. The old adage that if looks could kill rang true; truthfully, he would probably already be six feet under. 

He took a sip of his coffee as he spared another fleeting look towards Tony’s room. The team leader was not looking forward to the conversation he was about to have, knowing that every second he spent arguing with Jenny, was taking away from the time he could spend with DiNozzo. He knew from experience that the longer Tony was left alone, the more time he had to build up the walls around his emotions.

Gibbs turned to face Jenny, his annoyance at the fiery red head evident in his own piercing gaze. “Something I can do for you, Director?” he asked, his voice tight and controlled.

“You can answer my question,” she coolly replied. 

“And what question was that?”

“What are you doing here?” the Director emphatically repeated. 

“I was talking to Tony’s doctor.”

That wasn’t a complete lie. He had been talking with Dr. Winesett about Tony’s future; he didn’t dare mention that he had already been to see Tony in hopes that he could convince the young man that he was not blame for what happened during the shooting. Gibbs refused to let DiNozzo accept the blame for something that wasn’t his fault. 

“And you expect me to believe that?” Jenny shot back. 

“Believe what you want, Jen.”

“I know you, Jethro. I also know that more than likely you’ve already been to see Tony and I know that you were without your escorts. I assumed that when I allowed you to see Agent DiNozzo that you understood that you could not be left alone with him until after Internal Affairs interviewed him. I try and accommodate you and you repay my leniency by going behind my back.”

The ex-Marine glared at the Director. “I wouldn’t have to go behind your back if you would just come to your senses!” 

“I’m not the one disobeying a direct order,” she reasoned.

Gibbs grabbed her arm and escorted her away from Tony’s door, not wanting to take the chance that DiNozzo would overhear their conversation. Jenny pulled free of his grasp, her irritation with him fueling her rage. 

“What is it that you’re trying to do, Jethro?” Jenny demanded to know. “You’re taking a huge chance on throwing away your career! If IA discovers that you’ve been here before…”

“Who’s going to tell them, Jen? I need to be here and you know it. I’ve got to be here for Tony.”

“To ease your guilty conscience?” she challenged.

He clenched his jaw, struggling to keep his own mask from slipping. There was no doubt in his mind that guilt was consuming him, but he could not let it motivate him. Tony was like a son to him and he wanted to believe that he was doing what a father should do. “No, Jen,” he finally answered. “I’m doing it because…” He paused and blew out a frustrated breath.

“Because why?”

“Because if our situations were reversed, DiNozzo would be doing the same thing for me.”

“Jethro, I know that DiNozzo means a great deal to you and you think that your presence is necessary for his recovery and that may be; but until the IA team talks to Tony, you can not see him without proper supervision,” she insisted.

“So supervise me!” he growled as he turned to head towards Tony’s room.

It only took three strides before he was outside Tony’s door. The team leader purposefully ignored the Director’s protest, tired of hearing all the reasons that he should stay away from his senior field agent. He would not abandon DiNozzo to face his future alone, even if he had to go against the Director of NCIS.

“Agent Gibbs!” she called out.

Gibbs whirled around, silencing her with his icy stare. “Don’t,” he warned. “Just don’t.”

Before Jenny had an opportunity to respond, the team leader and the Director were nearly bowled over by Agent Danny Watts. Startled, the young man dropped the cup that he had been carrying and watched in horror as it landed at the feet of the former Marine.

“Agent Gibbs,” Danny stammered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s all right, Agent Watts,” Gibbs assured him. “At least it wasn’t full.”

Danny picked the cup up off the floor. “I wasn’t watching where I was going and I’m sorry.”

“So I guess you’ve learned two lessons from this experience.”

“Sir?” 

“Make that three lessons you’ve learned,” Gibbs corrected. “One. Always be aware of your surroundings. Two. Don’t apologize, it’s a sign of weakness, and three, don’t call me sir; I work for a living.”

“That’s what Agent DiNozzo just said. He told me not to call him sir either,” Danny recalled. 

After he and Tony had met, it hadn’t taken long for DiNozzo to learn about his aversion to being called ‘sir’. Sometimes Gibbs found himself longing for the days that his team consisted of himself and Tony; life was much simpler back then.

“So, how is Agent DiNozzo?” he asked, forcing himself back to the present.

“He’s all right. He accidentally knocked his water off and I was just getting him some more,” Watts hastily explained. 

Gibbs watched with amusement as Danny realized that he had failed to address the Director. He didn’t bother to hide his smile as the agent once again, began to apologize profusely. Jenny could be very a very commanding presence, but the former Marine had shared too much history with the woman standing beside him to be intimidated by her.

“I’m sorry, Director Shepard,” the young man apologized. “I didn’t see you there. I mean…”

“Don’t worry, Agent Watts,” Gibbs chimed in. “Her bark is worse than her bite.”

“It’s quite all right, Agent Watts,” Jenny answered, ignoring Gibbs’ barb. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Danny eagerly replied.

“Has Agent Gibbs been in to see Agent DiNozzo?”

The team leader gave a slight nod to the agent, silently granting him permission to tell her the truth. He didn’t want to get Danny into trouble and he could deal with Jenny’s wrath; he had no intention of ruining the agent’s career before it barely got started. 

Gibbs managed to hide his surprise when Danny replied. “Not to my knowledge, ma’am.”

“What do you mean, not to your knowledge, Agent Watts?” she wanted to know. “Did you leave your post at any time?”

“No ma’am.”

“Yet, you don’t know if Agent Gibbs…”

“Quit harassing the kid, Jen,” Gibbs said. “He doesn’t know you well enough to lie to you. Now, I’m going in to see Tony.”

Gibbs walked into the room, Jenny following close behind him, leaving a confused junior agent standing out in the hallway. Tony was awake, his eyes riveted to the ceiling, apparently lost in his thoughts. The team leader moved to DiNozzo’s side and quietly called out his name. “Tony?”

Tony sighed. “Hey, Boss.”

“How ya doin’?”

“I’m okay.” 

Gibbs easily realized that Tony was already hiding behind the mask he wore when he wanted to convince everyone that all was right with his world. The team leader wondered how long it would take him before he could convince Tony to lower it once again.

“You need anything?”

Tony’s eyes met his own concerned gaze. Gibbs could see in the younger man’s expressive orbs that he was literally screaming on the inside, but what came out of Tony’s mouth, was an almost inaudible, “No.”

“Agent Watts will be back in a few minutes with your water,” Gibbs stated in an effort to keep the awkwardness from consuming them. 

“Nice kid,” Tony mumbled. 

“Yeah.”

He desperately wished that Tony wouldn’t keep his feelings locked away. Gibbs knew that despite outward appearances, that DiNozzo was barely holding it together; he was wearing the same lost expression that he had worn after he had chosen to give up the relationship he had with Jeanne. Tony was trying to be stoic, but inside, he was crying out for someone to wake him up from this nightmare.

Gibbs sat down in the chair and leaned forward slightly. It was the posture that he assumed sometimes when he had to talk to children; non-threatening and non-assuming. He saw Tony acknowledge the Director with a nod; she took that as her cue to address the injured agent.

“Agent DiNozzo,” she greeted. “How are you feeling?”

The team leader saw Tony visibly bristle at her inquiry. There was still a lot of tension between Jenny and Tony after the undercover operation to capture La Grenouille had been blown all to hell; she had used his agent without considering the consequences to him, both personally and professionally. His confidence had been shattered and although he managed to disguise this fact from his other friends, Gibbs had seen first hand the scars that Tony still bore.

He could tell that Tony was trying to bite back the sharp retort that wanted to come out of his mouth; sometimes he was amazed at the senior agent’s restraint. There had been many times over the years when DiNozzo had managed to hold his tongue, especially when he had incurred Gibbs’ wrath. He wondered if Ziva and McGee how many times that they had been spared from his rage because DiNozzo had been the one to step in and absorb the team leader’s frustration that sometimes occurred when they were working a case. 

Tony cleared his throat. “I’m fine, Director,” the agent declared. “Can’t fell a thing below the waist, but what do you expect?”

As much as he hated to admit it, that comment had cut Gibbs to his soul. He knew that Tony was intentionally trying to shock the Director with his venomous words, but his own guilt over the situation came flooding back with Tony’s proclamation. 

“I’m sure that everything will work out, Tony,” Jenny attempted to reason. 

Tony’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “You’re probably right, Director. It usually does.”

Sensing Tony’s growing agitation, he placed his hand on the young man’s forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Take it easy, Tony,” he gently urged.

“I’m just not in the mood for a lot of company.”

“I know, but right now, she’s acting as my baby sitter.” He glanced up at the Director. “But maybe she can wait just outside the door.”

Jenny moved to stand in the door frame, pulling the curtain behind her. Gibbs was genuinely surprised at her response to his thinly veiled request. After their earlier conversation, he had expected her to remain undeterred in her declaration that the former Marine could not be alone with Tony; but she had managed to give the senior agent the privacy that he had craved while remaining in earshot so that she could monitor his and DiNozzo’s discussion.

“Thanks, Boss,” Tony mumbled. 

“You’re welcome.”

Tony pulled his arm free of the team leader’s grasp, an action that didn’t go unnoticed by the older man. Perhaps Tony was finally showing some of his true feelings about the shooting. Was he finally placing the blame for his condition where it should have been placed from the beginning? Was Tony accepting the fact that Gibbs’ carelessness was the reason that he could no longer walk? There were so many questions racing through his mind, questions that he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to. 

“Something wrong?” DiNozzo asked. 

“No. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“About what happened.”

“Gibbs, let’s not get into this again,” Tony pleaded. “It’s over. There’s nothing you can do to change what happened. Forgive and forget and all that good stuff.”

“Can you?”

“Can I what?”

“Forgive and forget.”

“I already told you I forgave you,” DiNozzo reminded him, struggling to keep his voice even. 

“I know what you said, but…”

“Then why are we having this discussion again?” Tony raked his good hand through his hair. 

Gibbs sensed DiNozzo’s desperation as he fought with his demons. The team leader quickly decided that he would let Tony set the tone for their conversation for now, giving the dark-haired man the opportunity to gain back some of the control that Tony needed to have.

“So, where’d you go after I went to sleep?” he finally inquired, purposefully changing the subject.

“Dr. Winesett wanted to talk to me,” Gibbs answered.

“About what?”

Gibbs licked his lips. Tony wasn’t probably going to be happy to learn that they had been discussing his future without him. “If you’re still doing well, in the next day or two, he wants to send you to a rehab facility.”

He saw Tony’s mask slip as uncertainty clouded his features. “A rehab center?”

“Yeah.”

“Where at?”

“Here in D.C.,” he replied. “The doctor’s going to bring you a packet he put together. It sounds like a good place. They’ll be able to teach you everything you need to know.”

“Everything I need to know,” Tony mumbled under his breath. 

“I’m sure that Dr. Winesett will go over it in more detail with you. I think it sounds like a good idea.”

“You would.”

Gibbs’ eyes narrowed. Tony’s mask was firmly back in place. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Tony shook his head. “Nothing. Just the drugs talking, Boss.”

“I don’t think so, DiNozzo.”

“Think whatever you’d like.”

“Tony, I…”

“Gibbs, please. I just need a little time to get used to the idea that I’m never going to walk again. Once I get it through my head, I’ll be back to my old annoying, cheerful, hyperactive self,” Tony promised. “I just need some time.”

“Take all the time in the world, but I don’t want you holding everything in,” the team leader warned. “You’re going to have a lot to deal with and if…”

“I’m an expert with dealing with the unexpected.” Tony permitted a tiny smile to escape. “I learned from the best. Remember?”

Gibbs couldn’t bring himself to answer. He watched in silence as Tony lay his head back against his pillow. “You know, Gibbs,” Tony began. “I was lying here thinking about some things.”

“Like what?”

“I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to probably going to have to find a new place to live. I know I’ve got an elevator, but half the time it doesn’t work. I can’t exactly throw my wheelchair on my back and carry it up the stairs, can I? But then if I move, there’ll be no one to look in on Mrs. Kiser and make sure that she’s all right; she sometimes forgets to take her medicine and her stupid cat is always under her feet, making her fall.

“I was also thinking about how I was going to have to move my desk in order to get behind it with a wheelchair. Do you think that maybe we could rearrange the bullpen somehow? Hey, I’ll always be ready for a campfire,” Tony said as an afterthought.

“Then I realized that it was stupid for me to even consider rearranging the office, because more than likely, I’m not going to be a field agent any longer, once personnel figures out what happened. So you should probably go ahead and promote McGee and hire that Agent Watts as your new probie.” Tony laughed to himself. “He’s definitely wants to work for you; Watts has got you on a pretty high pedestal.”

Gibbs reached up and tapped Tony on the top of the head. “I’ve got a senior field agent,” he growled, “and when he comes back to work, he can move the desks any way he damn well wants to! Got it?”

Tony nodded. “Got it, Boss. But still you might want to reconsider…”

“DiNozzo, I’m not considering any other possibilities except for you returning to your spot on my team. You’ve earned it and until the day you don’t want it anymore, it’s going to be yours.”

“We’ll see,” Tony replied, doubt etched in his features. 

“DiNozzo, you will be back. Now, you can…”

The curtain was pulled back, causing the two men to look up as Dr. Winesett entered the room. “I’m glad I caught you awake,” Bill said. 

“Doc,” Tony greeted.

“I guess Agent Gibbs has talked to you about the rehab center?” Winesett surmised.

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m here to fill in the blanks, if you’re up to listening.”

“Might as well.”

“All right,” the doctor conceded. “Let me check you over and then we’ll talk.”

Gibbs sat back and watched the doctor, wondering what Tony’s reaction was going to be to what Winesett had to say. He was aware that DiNozzo’s recovery, both physically and mentally, hinged on how he approached his rehabilitation. The team leader hoped that the young man’s tenacity and determination would motivate him, taking precedence over the sense of hopelessness that seemed to be hovering over him at the moment. Gibbs had vowed that he would be with Tony every step of the way, but right now, he wasn’t sure Tony wanted him along for the journey.


End file.
